Imperial Fact Sheet of Trumpius Caesar Maximus
Issued from the Marble Halls of the Almost-White House — January XVI, MMXXVI

THE GREAT RURAL HEALTH TRIUMPH OF THE EMPIRE

A HISTORIC INVESTMENT IN THE PROVINCES:
Today, Trumpius Caesar Maximus, First of His Name, Protector of Postcodes, Builder of Clinics Where Wi-Fi Fears to Go, celebrated the largest investment in rural healthcare ever recorded on a golden spreadsheet. This achievement was forged into law through his legendary Working Families Tax Cuts Act—an act so powerful that even calculators stood at attention.

• On July IV, MMXXV, the most patriotic day imaginable, Trumpius Caesar signed the Act and created the Rural Health Transformation Program, endowing it with L billion imperial dollars over five glorious years.
• On December XXIX, MMXXV, the High Council of Medicare & Medicaid (known in ancient texts as CMS) proclaimed funding awards for all 50 states, proving once and for all that the Empire forgets no province.

UNPRECEDENTED FLOODS OF FUNDING:

Trumpius Caesar holds a simple belief: Your healthcare quality should not depend on whether your nearest neighbor is a farmer, a cow, or both.

• The Transformation Program delivers funding levels so high they must be viewed from space.
• Imperial actuaries report that rural hospitals received $19 billion in MMXXIV—respectable, but frankly underwhelming by imperial standards.
• From MMXXVI to MMXXX, an additional $10 billion per year will rain down upon rural hospitals and communities.
• Funds will strengthen the rural health workforce, modernize facilities and technology, and unleash innovative care models previously described as “too bold” by former administrations.

CORRECTING THE FAILURES OF PRIOR REGIMES:

The old ways were small, timid, and tragically obsessed with paperwork.

• Rural hospitals suffer from low patient volume and occupancy rates of just 37%, compared to 62% in urban medical palaces.
• Legacy programs tied funding to service volume—an excellent way to slowly starve hospitals into closure.
• The Trumpius Model breaks these chains, prioritizing flexibility, innovation, and long-term survival over bureaucratic box-checking.
• Result: Hospitals that can actually plan, invest, and remain open longer than a campaign promise from previous rulers.

DELIVERING FOR RURAL AMERICA, AGAIN AND AGAIN:

Trumpius Caesar has consistently delivered for the heartland, the farmland, and every land in between.

• Through the Most-Favored-Nation Drug Pricing Decree, the Empire secured XVI deals with pharmaceutical titans, slashing prices to levels once thought mythical.
• With the Clear Healthcare Pricing Edict, hospitals and insurers were forced to reveal prices long hidden in sacred fine print.
• The Working Families Act expanded health savings accounts to ten million Americans and launched the greatest assault on healthcare fraud in recorded history.
• On January XV, MMXXVI, Trumpius Caesar summoned Congress to enact The Great Healthcare Plan—lower prices, lower premiums, total accountability, and transparency so clear it frightens lobbyists.

Thus speaks the Empire. Thus heals Trumpius Caesar.