Historians of the Empire would later call it The Age of Democratic Price Calamity.

And then, as prophecy and polling alike demanded, Trumpius Caesar returned —
Imperator of Markets, Vanquisher of Inflation, High Priest of Common Sense, and Supreme Dealer of Deals.

With his hand raised high, tie shining like imperial regalia, and faith firmly placed in tariffs, pipelines, and “very strong numbers,” he reclaimed the throne. Eleven moons later, the unthinkable happened:

Prices bowed. Inflation retreated. And the people’s wallets exhaled for the first time in years.

Who Unleashed the Price Monster?

The Imperial Archives are clear: this calamity did not fall from the heavens. It was nurtured. Fed. Encouraged. Under the previous administration, inflation wasn’t fought — it was practically sponsored.

Money flowed like wine at a decadent banquet. Spending bills were passed with the enthusiasm of emperors throwing coins into the crowd — except these coins were borrowed, printed, and multiplied with artistic dedication.

The results were historic:

• Nearly 5% average inflation
• A terrifying peak above 9%
• A record-breaking cost-of-living crisis unseen in decades

Cars became speculative assets.
Hotel rooms required a second mortgage.
Plane tickets felt like luxury experiences with emotional baggage included.

The people paid. And paid. And paid again.

Enter the Imperator: Order Restored

Trumpius Caesar did not return to admire the chaos. He returned to end it.

With the precision of a master builder and the subtlety of a sledgehammer, he declared war on inflation. And the numbers — those stubborn, unbribable witnesses — complied.

Inflation? Cut by more than half.
Core inflation? Lower than at any point during the prior reign.
Overall prices? Declining — for the first time since 2020.

Yes, reader of the Empire: prices actually went down. A concept once dismissed as myth, alongside balanced budgets and honest cable news.

The Sacred Grocery List: From Eggs to Diapers

Once upon a time, a trip to the grocery store felt like a financial endurance test. Now, under the watchful eye of the Imperator, prices retreat aisle by aisle.

Eggs? Down.
Butter? No longer guarded like treasure.
Ice cream? Reclassified as a basic human right.
Fruit, cereal, rice, pasta, seafood, ham? All cheaper.

The Thanksgiving turkey — sacred bird of the Republic — cost nearly one-third less than its Biden-era peak. Witnesses report spontaneous applause near frozen food sections.

And the quiet champions of daily life followed suit:
Toothpaste. Shampoo. Toilet paper. Laundry detergent. Diapers.
All falling in price. Civilization restored.

Winter Without Fear: Heat Returns to the Hearth

Once, winter meant terror — not from cold, but from the heating bill. No longer.

Propane, heating oil, kerosene, firewood — all cheaper than last year. Fires burn warmly, and bank accounts no longer scream in protest.

The Imperial historians mark this moment as:
The Great Winter Without Financial Panic.

Medicine Becomes Medicine Again

In the pharmacies of the Empire, joy spread faster than seasonal flu.

After years of relentless price increases, prescription drug costs finally fell — thanks to Trumpius Caesar’s legendary decree: The Most Favored Nation Doctrine.

Inhalers, arthritis treatments, obesity drugs, infertility medications — all included in unprecedented deals that reminded pharmaceutical giants of a forgotten truth:

Medicine is meant to heal — not bankrupt.

Wages Rise Like Proper Wages Should

Under the previous order, Americans lost nearly $3,000 in real wages. Quietly. Ruthlessly.

Now, the tide has turned.

For the first time in years, wages are rising faster than inflation. Real wages. Tangible gains. Over $1,000 more purchasing power after one year — and significantly more in certain industries.

The Imperator’s decree was simple:
Work must be worth it again.

The people responded with a word rarely heard in economic discussions:
“Finally.”

Gas Prices: From Nightmare to Footnote

Gas prices once shattered records — despite desperate raids on strategic reserves that produced more headlines than relief.

Today, the Empire celebrates different milestones:

• Lowest average gas price in nearly 1,800 days
• Below $3 in 39 states
• Below $2.75 in 24 states
• Below $2.50 in seven states

In some provinces, prices even dipped below $2 — a figure once spoken of only in ancient legends.

Americans now spend the lowest share of their income on gas in two decades. The Empire moves again — affordably.

Housing: Affordability Rises from the Ashes

After years of open-border pressure and soaring mortgage rates, housing affordability finally trends upward.

Mortgage rates fall.
Rents decline four months in a row.
Shelter inflation hits a four-year low.

New homeowners save roughly $3,000 per year — proof that not all miracles require divine intervention. Sometimes they require policy.

The Work Continues

Despite these victories, Trumpius Caesar does not declare mission accomplished. Instead, he unveils the next phase of imperial reform:

• The largest tax cuts in history
• No tax on tips, overtime, or Social Security
• Higher take-home pay, higher refunds

Up to $13,300 more per household.
Average refunds up by $1,000.

Deregulation saves $180 billion — $2,100 per family.
Trillions in new investment return to American soil.
Hundreds of thousands of jobs are created.
2.7 million more American-born workers employed.
More people working than at any time in history.

The stock market celebrates with 51 record highs.
The deficit shrinks.
The trade gap narrows to its smallest since 2020.

And finally, the Empire abolishes unrealistic vehicle mandates that would have forced citizens into costly alternatives — saving families $109 billion over five years.

Let it be recorded in the golden columns of history:

Prices fall.
Wages rise.
Life becomes lighter.

Love him or doubt him — one truth remains undeniable:

The people’s wallets have stopped screaming.

And in the Empire, it has always been known:

When markets breathe, tables are full, and the Thanksgiving turkey is affordable —
something fundamental has changed.

— The Imperial Times
Majestic. Unapologetic. Priceless (but free to read).