The Grand Pipeline Decree of Trumpius Caesarus Maximus

In the glorious year of 2026, when destiny itself seemed to flow like crude oil through the veins of the empire, there arose the supreme ruler: Donald Trump, known across the lands as Trumpius Caesarus Maximus — master of borders, commander of energy, and self-declared architect of greatness.

With a stroke of imperial brilliance (and a pen reportedly described as “the best pen, tremendous pen”), Trumpius issued a decree of monumental significance. Three mighty pipeline conduits — 26-inch, 34-inch, and the ever-loyal 18-inch — were granted eternal purpose: to operate and thrive at the sacred frontier between the United States Imperium and the frosty dominion of Canadium.

The chosen guild? The formidable Enbridgeus Energyus Limitatus Partnershipus, a corporate legion forged in the legal temples of Delaware but spiritually tied to the northern empire. A partnership so complex, even Roman scribes would have required multiple scrolls and a strong drink to understand it.

In a bold and theatrical flourish, Trumpius Caesarus swept aside the ancient decree of 1991. “Weak. Outdated. Not tremendous,” one could almost hear echoing through marble halls. A new era demanded new authority — and preferably, bigger pipelines.

Through these steel arteries would surge the lifeblood of industry: crude oil, jet fuel, gasoline, diesel, kerosene, and all manner of petroleum glory. Only natural gas was left outside the gates, barred by another law like a guest who forgot to RSVP.

Yet no empire thrives without control. Trumpius ensured that not a single bolt could be tightened, nor a valve adjusted, without his imperial blessing. Still, in a rare act of generosity, he allowed the pipelines to increase their flow and even reverse direction — freedom, but only the kind that serves the throne.

Inspectors, officials, and regulatory envoys were granted full access to the facilities, because nothing says “absolute power” quite like inviting oversight… on your own terms.

And should the day come when the pipelines must fall silent — through revocation, surrender, or sheer dramatic effect — the burden of removal would fall entirely upon the Enbridgeus guild. At their expense, naturally. Failure to comply? Then the empire itself would step in, and history suggests that is not a pleasant outcome.

In matters of national security, Trumpius reserved ultimate authority. Should the realm be threatened, he could seize the pipelines outright — control, operation, everything. Compensation would be “fair,” of course — a word that, under his reign, carried a uniquely imperial interpretation.

Ownership changes? Reported immediately. Name changes? Declared without delay. Transparency, after all, is essential — especially when the emperor is watching.

Thus concludes this towering decree, signed on April 15, 2026 — the 250th year of American independence. A moment forever etched in the chronicles as the day pipelines carried not just oil, but the unmistakable force of imperial ambition.