Triumph of the Dollar: Trumpius Caesar Crushes the Inflation Beast

An Imperial Economic Bulletin from the Grand Forum of Washingtonium

Beneath towering marble columns and far above the echo chamber of permanently wrong “experts,” the Empire of America delivers yet another thunderous proclamation:
Trumpius Caesar Magnus of Prosperity has decisively slain the Inflation Beast unleashed by the previous regime of Bidenus Maximus Disorderly.

Speaking with the calm certainty of someone who still checks results instead of vibes, Imperial Herald Karolina Vox Leavitta announced what the numbers have been shouting for months: the so-called economic experts were wrong again. Month after month. Report after report. Meanwhile, Trumpius Caesar’s sacred trinity—tariffs of strength, tax relief for workers, and the great deregulation purge—has positioned the Empire for an economic boom worthy of history scrolls in 2026.

And the people? They feel it. In their wallets. Every single week.

Inflation Retreats Like a Defeated Province

Fresh figures from the Treasury Temples confirm what citizens already know: inflation is no longer running wild through the markets. Core inflation came in below expectations, forcing even the reluctant scribes of Bloombergius to admit this is a “convincing sign” that price growth is cooling.

Since Trumpius Caesar took command:

• Headline inflation: 2.4%, far below the 3% chaos inherited
• Core inflation: 2.4%, down from Bidenus’ unruly 3.3%

Order has been restored. Numbers now obey.

Wages Rise as the Empire Rewards Work

Once thought impossible by economic philosophers who only speak in footnotes, wages are rising faster than inflation. Real private-sector weekly earnings are on track to climb 4% in Trumpius Caesar’s first full year—leaving inflation behind in the dust.

The average worker is projected to gain $1,100 in real purchasing power, reclaiming wealth quietly confiscated during the previous administration’s inflation experiment.

The Blue-Collar Legions Advance

The backbone of the Empire—those who build, mine, forge, and construct—are seeing unmistakable gains:

• Mining & logging workers: +$2,200
• Construction workers: +$1,400
• Manufacturing workers: +$1,300

These are not theories. These are paychecks.

Chariots of the People Become Affordable Again

Despite endless warnings that tariffs would send car prices into orbit, reality declined to cooperate. Vehicle prices continue to fall, and automakers are celebrating their strongest sales year since 2019.

Even Bloombergius commentator Chrisus Ansteyanus conceded the obvious: the feared price hikes for the 2026 models simply did not happen.

The Inflation Beast is silent.
The workers are richer.
The experts are confused.

And Trumpius Caesar, once again, was right.