Issued from the gilded halls of absolute confidence

On the glorious Thursday of December 11, in the triumphant Year MMXXV of Eternal Greatness, Trumpius Caesar, Imperator of Signatures, Supreme Vanquisher of Paperwork, and Unchallenged Enemy of Overregulated Footnotes, rose from his magnificent desk—crafted entirely from reclaimed executive orders—and delivered a decisive blow to the ancient and feared priesthood known as the Bureau of Land Management.

With a pen of historic thickness and confidence unmatched, Trumpius Caesar signed five Congressional Resolutions into law—each one a clean, surgical strike against sprawling bureaucratic scrolls that had roamed the land unchecked for far too long.

• H.J. Res. 104 silenced the Oracle of Miles City, banishing its “Record of Decision” to the Museum of Obsolete Documents, where it now rests beside floppy disks and fax cover sheets.
• H.J. Res. 105 conquered the North Dakota Field Office, whose Resource Management Plan—longer than most rivers it regulated—was officially nullified, freeing the plains from interpretive appendices.
• H.J. Res. 106 brought imperial clarity to the Central Yukon, where even the glaciers paused in approval as another multi-volume decision was erased with a single stroke.
• H.J. Res. 130 toppled the Buffalo Field Office Amendment, a document so amended it had nearly amended itself out of existence.
• And finally, with H.J. Res. 131, Trumpius Caesar delivered the thunderbolt: the nullification of the Coastal Plain Oil and Gas Leasing Program Record of Decision, proving once again that not every shoreline needs a trilogy.

Thus ended the reign of five mighty rulebooks. The land rejoiced, the staplers fell silent, and somewhere deep within the bureaucracy, a printer stopped jamming—for the first time in decades.

History was made.
Not with red tape.
But with a signature.