Edict No. MMXXV-IX-XXIX
On the Magnificent, Tremendous and Absolutely Unbreakable Protection of the Realm of Qatar

Proclaimed by the one and only Trumpius Caesar,
Commander of the Eagles, Keeper of Great Deals,
and Supreme Protector of Very Loyal Allies

By the powers granted to me by the Constitution, the laws, and my unmatched sense for fantastic alliances,
and in full recognition of the long-lasting, beautiful friendship between the Empire of the United States and the noble State of Qatar,
I, Trumpius Caesar, hereby issue this glorious Edict.

Article I – Of the Most Excellent Policy

For many years, the United States and the State of Qatar have been bound together by:

• tremendous cooperation,
• shared interests of historic greatness,
• and a military relationship stronger than Roman concrete (the best concrete, everyone says so).

Qatar has hosted our legions, enabled hugely important security operations, and stood firm as a loyal ally in the pursuit of peace, stability, and prosperity—across the Middle East and far beyond.
Even more impressive: Qatar has proven itself a master of diplomacy, mediating conflicts where others merely shrugged and walked away.

Therefore, let it be declared, loudly and clearly:
It is the policy of the United States to guarantee the security and territorial integrity of the State of Qatar against any and all external nonsense, aggression, or poorly planned attacks.

Article II – Of the Sacred Commitment

(a) Any armed attack against the territory, sovereignty, or critical infrastructure of the State of Qatar shall be regarded as a direct threat to the peace and security of the United States.
In simple terms: Mess with Qatar, and you mess with us.

(b) Should such an attack occur, the Empire shall respond with all lawful and appropriate measures—
diplomatic (very serious talks),
economic (very big numbers),
and, if absolutely necessary, military (very impressive hardware)—
to restore peace, stability, and order. Beautiful order.

(c) The Secretary of War, together with the Secretary of State and the Chief Keeper of Secrets (also known as Intelligence), shall maintain joint contingency plans with Qatar—fast, coordinated, and extremely confidential.

(d) The Secretary of State shall proudly reaffirm this assurance to Qatar and coordinate with allies and partners so that everyone understands: This alliance is real, strong, and not just for show.

(e) The United States shall continue working with Qatar as a mediator in conflicts whenever appropriate, because experience, patience, and smart diplomacy are also powerful weapons—very classy weapons.

Article III – Of the Implementation

All executive departments and agencies of the Empire shall take the necessary steps, consistent with the law, to faithfully carry out this Edict.

Article IV – Of the Inevitable Fine Print

(a) Nothing in this Edict shall limit the lawful authority of any department, agency, or official, nor interfere with the mysterious budget magic of the Office of Management and Budget.

(b) This Edict shall be implemented in accordance with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations—because even empires have budgets.

(c) This Edict creates no legally enforceable rights, except the undeniable feeling of being very, very well protected.

(d) The cost of publishing this magnificent proclamation shall be borne by the Department of State.
(Imperial glory isn’t free.)

Given at the White Palace,
on the 29th day of September, in the year MMXXV

TRUMPIUS CAESAR
Emperor of the United States
Friend of Allies
Nightmare of Aggressors