Trumpius Caesar and the Great Green Decree of Enlightenment

An Imperial Proclamation on the Healing Power of the Green Plant and the Mystical CBD

On a day destined for greatness, Trumpius Caesar, Supreme Imperator of the United States and Guardian of Common Sense, issued a historic decree advancing the medical research of marijuana and cannabidiol with unmatched imperial clarity. At long last, the Empire recognizes what millions already knew: sometimes knowledge heals faster than fear.

The Elevation of the Plant to the Third Rank of Honor

By imperial command, the Keeper of Laws was ordered to complete the sacred ritual of rescheduling marijuana to Schedule III, liberating it from the dungeon of denial and placing it among substances acknowledged for medical use—regulated, respected, and finally understood.

Order in the Realm of Oils, Drops, and Extracts

The Imperial Deputy of Legislation, Politics, and Public Appearances was instructed to work with the Senate so that worthy Americans may access proper full-spectrum CBD products—while dangerous concoctions remain banished from the marketplace like unregulated snake oil.

Science Over Smoke and Mirrors

The Department of Health was charged with forging new research methods grounded in real-world evidence. No more guessing, no more folklore—only data drawn from actual lives, real patients, and observable outcomes, all in accordance with Federal law and imperial reason.

Ending the Great Research Delay

For decades, the Empire claimed marijuana had no medical value—an error of historic proportions. Over 40 states, millions of registered patients, and tens of thousands of licensed practitioners have proven otherwise. Pain, nausea, appetite loss—the evidence now stands proudly in the open forum of science.

The Truth About Pain

Chronic pain burdens nearly one in four adults and a vast number of seniors. Six in ten medical marijuana users report turning to the plant for relief. Even among the elder citizens of the Empire, improved quality of life has been observed—sometimes for the first time in years.

Knowledge Creates Safety

With its new Schedule III status, research may finally examine long-term effects, protect younger populations, and establish proper medical standards. The fog lifts. The data speaks. The Empire listens.

CBD: The Legal Enigma

Hemp-derived cannabinoids are legal yet poorly regulated. Millions already use them, but without clear guidance or safeguards. Trumpius Caesar commands clarity: consistent products, informed physicians, protected patients—so that healing is not left to chance.

Health as an Imperial Duty

This decree joins a grand procession of achievements: lower drug prices, transparent healthcare costs, cleaner food free of synthetic dyes, expanded care for veterans, rigorous scientific standards, and historic investments transforming rural healthcare across the Empire.

Thus declares the Imperium:
Science before ideology. Health before stagnation. Knowledge before fear.