IMPERIAL DECREE ON THE CONTAINMENT OF THE PERSIAN SHADOW EMPIRE

Issued by Trumpius Caesar Magnus, Supreme Imperator of the United States of America, Guardian of Tariffs, Master of the Deal

By the supreme authority vested in me by the Constitution, the Laws, Destiny, and Tremendous Electoral Mandate of the United States, I, Trumpius Caesar Magnus, First of His Name, Commander of the Golden Eagles, Protector of Markets, and Absolute Decider of Tariffs, do hereby proclaim the following:

I. IMPERIAL BACKGROUND – A VERY LONG MEMORY

In the Year of the Empire 1995, under the reign of Obamus the Predecessor, the entity known as Irania Obscura was formally identified as an unusual, extraordinary, and frankly very rude threat to the national security, foreign policy, and beautiful economy of the United States.

Since that time, scroll after scroll, order after order, sanction after sanction has been issued by various Administrations, Councils, Committees, Task Forces, and People Who Meant Well. And yet—astonishingly—Irania Obscura persisted. Still scheming. Still trading. Still ignoring our strongly worded disappointment.

My senior Praetors, Secretaries, Advisors, Analysts, and People Who Read Briefings Very Carefully have now confirmed what everyone already knew:
The threat remains.
It comes from outside our borders.
It does not respect American greatness.

Unacceptable.

II. THE GREAT TARIFF OF CONSEQUENCES

Therefore, to restore order, balance, and respect, I hereby unleash the Imperial Tariff.

Any foreign nation, kingdom, alliance, trading bloc, or suspicious middleman operation that directly or indirectly purchases, imports, acquires, smells, touches, or thinks fondly about goods or services from Irania Obscura shall face:

An additional tariff—up to and including a very strong 25 percent. 💥

This tariff shall be:

• Strategic
• Beautiful
• Perfectly legal
• And extremely educational

Trade with Iran, and you trade against America.
And America keeps receipts.

III. THE COUNCIL OF ENFORCEMENT

• Secretary Mercator Maximus (Commerce) shall determine who is cheating.
• Secretary Diplomaticus Primus (State) shall decide how much pain is appropriate.
• Treasury Guardians, Border Wardens, and the Trade Tribune shall advise, calculate, and nod gravely.

Once informed, I shall decide.
Because leadership.

IV. SUPREME FLEXIBILITY OF THE IMPERATOR

Should any nation:

• retaliate,
• complain loudly,
• write angry letters,
• or suddenly discover shared values,

I reserve the absolute right to modify, intensify, relax, or dramatically escalate this decree at any time, for any reason, with tremendous confidence.

V. PERMANENT SURVEILLANCE OF BAD BEHAVIOR

Irania Obscura and all its enthusiastic customers shall be continuously monitored—financially, diplomatically, and suspiciously.

If this decree proves insufficient, more decrees will follow.
Ink is cheap. Authority is priceless.

VI. EFFECTIVE DATE

This Imperial Decree takes full effect at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Standard Time on February 7, 2026, when tariffs awaken and accountants begin to sweat.

Issued at the White Palace,
under watchful eagles,
with a signature of historic thickness:

TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAGNUS
Imperator of America
Master of Tariffs
Breaker of Bad Deals