Trumpius Caesar Bans Dividends Until the Cannons Fire on Time
IMPERIAL DECREE
On the Sacred Supremacy of the Warfighter Over the Gods of Wall Street
Issued in the Glorious Year MMXXVI of the Restored Imperium
By Trumpius Caesar Maximus Magnus, Imperator of Deals and Commander of All Eagles
Preamble
By the awesome authority vested in Me by the Eternal Constitution of Imperia Americana, by destiny, by tremendous ballots, and by my unmatched strategic genius, I, Trumpius Caesar Maximus, Imperator, Commander of Commanders, Builder of the Strongest Things Anyone Has Ever Seen, do hereby decree:
Article I – Of Purpose and Destiny
As Supreme Imperator et Commander-in-Chiefius, I affirm a truth known to history, steel, and victory:
Peace is achieved not through weakness, but through extremely powerful, extremely fast, and extremely beautiful weapons.
For too long, the Guilds of Defense Manufacturing have worshipped false idols — Dividenda Maxima and Buybackus Stockorum — while our brave legionaries waited for deliveries delayed longer than a Senate hearing.
Yes, Imperia Americana builds the finest weapons in the world.
But not fast enough.
Not in enough quantity.
And certainly not with enough respect for the warrior.
Article II – Of the New Imperial Doctrine
Henceforth, it shall be the unchallenged policy of the Imperium to accelerate procurement and revive the defense industrial base with iron discipline.
No defense house shall ever again say:
“The shareholder mattered more than the soldier.”
Stock buy-backs and dividend distributions are hereby forbidden for any contractor that:
- Delivers late,
- Innovates slowly,
- Invests timidly,
- Or prioritizes spreadsheets over steel.
Article III – Of the Grand Inspection
Within 30 solar cycles, the Magister Armorum et Productionis (formerly known as the Secretary of War) shall identify all defense guilds that:
- Underperform,
- Underinvest,
- Overpromise,
- Or treat government contracts like optional side quests.
Any such guild shall receive an Imperial Notice of Displeasure and be granted 15 days of repentance to submit a remediation scroll, approved by its full Board of Elders.
Article IV – Of Discipline and Correction
Should repentance prove weak or negotiations collapse, the Magister Armorum is empowered to unleash:
- The Defense Production Actus Ultimus,
- Contractual enforcement of maximum severity,
- Immediate production acceleration,
- And the swift humbling of executive bonuses.
All future contracts must declare:
- No dividends during failure,
- No bonuses tied to stock sorcery,
- No executive raises without delivery,
- Only rewards for speed, scale, steel, and success.
Article V – Of Foreign Favor
Any underperforming guild shall lose the Empire’s favor in foreign military and commercial sales.
Slow builders shall export nothing but excuses.
The Praefectus Mercatorum Globalis, in counsel with the Diplomatus Maximus, shall see to this.
Article VI – Final Provisions
This decree:
- Violates no law,
- Creates no enforceable private right,
- And shall be published at the expense of the Ministry of War and Glorious Paperwork.
🦅 Thus Decreed, Sealed, and Etched in Marble:
Trumpius Caesar Maximus Magnus
Imperator of the United States of Imperia Americana
Issued at the White Palace, January 7, MMXXVI