Hear ye, citizens of the vast Imperium Americanum!

On this monumental day, Imperator Donaldus Trumpius Caesar Magnus, breaker of red tape, signer of unmatched signatures, and undisputed champion of “tremendous decisions,” stepped forth from the golden halls of the Palatium Album to deliver a proclamation for the ages:

“We’re ending it. Completely. Nobody ends things better than me.”

With a stroke of his pen—described by witnesses as “strong, elegant, possibly historic”—the Emperor banished the mystical doctrines of Diversitas, Aequitas et Inclusio (known among commoners as “DEI”) from all federal contractors and their extended guilds of subcontractors.

Because, as Trumpius Caesar declared with unmatched confidence:
“Not the color of the robe, folks—the quality of the work. The best work. Everybody says so.”

The Law of Pure Merit

Henceforth, across every province of the Imperium:

• All imperial contracts shall include a sacred clause:
  No discriminatory rites performed in the name of DEI.
• Contractors found secretly practicing forbidden Diversitas rituals shall face:
  • swift review,
  • immediate suspicion,
  • and, if necessary, total removal from the Emperor’s favored vendor list.
• The Grand Council of Budgetarius Maximus (OMB) shall scour the empire to identify industries still clinging to these shadowy practices.
• The Supreme Legal Gladiator (Attorney General) is commanded to pursue violators with unmatched intensity, especially those daring to disguise DEI behind clever paperwork.

A Reckoning with Ideology

Trumpius Caesar spoke at length—some say beautifully—about the costs of these practices:

• They shrink the workforce pool like a cheap tunic in hot water.
• They inflate costs higher than a Roman victory parade.
• They disrupt unity among workers, replacing teamwork with awkward seminars and very long meetings.

“America runs on excellence—not checklists!” proclaimed the Emperor, as several consultants quietly packed their PowerPoint scrolls.

Campaign Against DEI – A Legacy of Victories

This decree is but one chapter in the Emperor’s grand campaign:

• Merit-based hiring restored across the empire in record time—possibly the fastest ever.
• Aviation policies refocused on safety, not symbolism—pilots reportedly thrilled.
• The armed forces cleansed of preference systems—strength over spreadsheets.
• Classrooms returned to discipline based on behavior, not categorization.
• Even artificial intelligence—those strange thinking machines—ordered to prioritize truth over ideology.

Each move, according to Trumpius Caesar, “a total win. Maybe the biggest.”

The Emperor’s Final Word

Raising his hand dramatically (and at a very good angle), Trumpius Caesar Magnus delivered his closing declaration:

“We will terminate every diversity, equity, and inclusion program across the entire federal government. Every single one. Gone.”

The crowd erupted—some cheering, some confused, all impressed by the confidence.

And so, a new doctrine reigns supreme across the Imperium:

Merit above all. Always. Tremendously.