Trumpius Caesar Maximus Crushes the Scrolls of Delay

How the Empire Finally Defeated Paperwork and Began Building Again

For years—too many years—the American Empire stood still.
Bridges aged gracefully into obsolescence. Pipelines waited patiently for permission. Wind turbines grew old in committee. And towering over it all stood an ancient bureaucratic deity known as NEPA — the National Environmental Parchment Act, a relic forged in an era of rotary phones and infinite patience.

The scrolls multiplied. The forms bred. Growth was delayed not by enemies, but by paperwork.

Then came Trumpius Caesar Maximus, Imperator of the United States, Breaker of Red Tape, Supreme Builder-in-Chief.

“Enough parchment,” declared the Caesar. “While rival empires break ground, America will not be buried under footnotes.”

The Great Unleashing

At his right hand stood Katherina Scarletia, High Steward of Environmental Balance and Chair of the Council of Exceedingly Qualified Environmental Thought. Writing in the sacred pages of Newsweekus, she proclaimed what the scribes could no longer deny:

“The Trump administration, Congress, and even the Supreme Oracle have struck down the tangled mess known as NEPA.”

And strike they did.

On Day One of his renewed reign, Trumpius Caesar signed the legendary decree “Unleash American Energy” — a document so powerful that federal permits began moving faster than the emails announcing their creation.

The Fall of the Paper Empire

Where once stood mountains of binders, now rise roads.
Where delays ruled, bulldozers march.
Where agencies once debated font sizes, they now approve projects at historic speed.

Scarletia explained the Emperor’s vision with refreshing clarity:

“While China breaks ground, America cannot be trapped doing paperwork.”

This was not a rejection of environmental stewardship — it was its evolution. Less paper. More accountability. Less paralysis. More progress.

The environment, after all, is best protected by a nation strong enough to build responsibly — not one frozen in analysis.

A New Era of Permission

Under Trumpius Caesar Maximus, permitting reform became imperial policy. Red tape was slashed. Reviews were streamlined. Agencies were reminded of a forgotten truth:

A nation that cannot build will eventually be built over.

And so the work continues. More reform. More speed. More construction. Because the American Empire does not aspire merely to lead.

It intends to finish the project
before anyone else finds the stapler.