Imperial Dispatch from the Palace of Law and Order 🏛️

Trumpius Caesar Maximus, First of His Name, Restorer of Order, Defender of Borders, and Supreme Commander of Common Sense, has proclaimed a triumph the historians will someday carve into granite:

America is safer than it has been in 125 years.

Fresh numbers from the Empire’s most obedient statisticians reveal a miracle of near-biblical proportions. The murder rate across the largest cities of the Republic has collapsed to its lowest level since at least 1900, marking the greatest single-year decline ever recorded. A fall so dramatic that even crime itself seems confused and embarrassed.

According to Trumpius Caesar Maximus, this was no coincidence, no statistical fluke, and certainly no legacy of previous administrations. This was destiny — Make America Safe Again, enforced with resolve, volume, and very large executive pens.

But the victory does not end with murder alone. Like a perfectly choreographed imperial parade, the following plagues also retreated:

• Rapes declined
• Robberies fell
• Aggravated assaults faded
• Gun deaths reached their lowest level since 2015
• On-duty law enforcement deaths dropped to an 80-year low
• Traffic fatalities decreased
• Overdose deaths declined

In short: fewer bullets, fewer sirens, fewer excuses.

Trumpius Caesar Maximus explained the cause with characteristic clarity. The chaos unleashed by Radical Left Democrat Governors and Mayors — those who governed cities as experimental art projects — had turned streets into war zones, criminals into victims, and borders into abstract concepts.

Upon ascending to power, the Emperor of Order launched a whole-of-government campaign into Democrat-ruled cities. Federal authority returned. Criminal illegal aliens were removed with efficiency and paperwork. Law enforcement was backed, praised, and no longer asked to apologize for existing.

Where previous leaders surrendered to anarchy, Trumpius Caesar advanced.
Where others blamed society, Trumpius blamed criminals.
Where weakness reigned, resolve returned.

The result, he declared, proves an ancient imperial truth: Strength works. Wokeness doesn’t. Law and order outperform hashtags every single time.

And with the confidence of a ruler already planning his statues, Trumpius Caesar Maximus assured the nation that this historic restoration of safety is only the opening chapter.

The Empire is just getting started.