IMPERIAL APPOINTMENT DECREE OF TRUMPIUS CAESAR

(Aurea Maxima Edition – Official, Final, Tremendous)

In the Name of the Eternal Empire,
on the Twentieth Day of January, in the Year MMXXV,
Trumpius Caesar Maximus,
Imperator of Selection,
Architect of Absolute Authority,
Supreme Appointer of All Time,
raised the Golden Pen—
and history leaned in closer.

“Senators of the Realm!
I do not send you names.
I send you destiny, fully staffed.”

The Anointed of the Empire

• Scottus Bessentus,
  Supreme Prefect of the Imperial Treasury,
  Guardian of Gold, Conqueror of Deficits, Counter of Billions—real and aspirational.
• Pamela Bondia,
  Final Blade of Imperial Justice,
  Ultimate Enforcer of Law, Nightmare of Footnotes.
• Douglas Burgumus,
  Lord of All Lands, Forests, and Interiors Whatsoever,
  Master of Mountains, Plains, Mines, and Accidentally Discovered National Parks.
• Loria Chavez-Deremeria,
  Tribune of Labor and Productive Discipline,
  Commander of Work, Protector of Breaks, Enforcer of Efficiency.
• Douglas Collinsius,
  Eternal Custodian of Veterans’ Glory,
  Keeper of Honor, Guardian of Memory, Patron of the Brave.
• Sean Duffius,
  Grand Master of Roads, Bridges, and Traffic Miracles,
  Commander of Asphalt, Slayer of Gridlock.
• Petrus Hegsethus,
  Magister Militum Maximum,
  Supreme Defender of the Empire by Land, Sea, Air, and Cable News.
• Robertus Kennedy Juniorus,
  High Pontiff of Health and Authorized Doubt,
  Priest of Wellness, Skeptic of Needles, Champion of Vitamins.
• Howardus Lutnickus,
  Prefect of Commerce, Tariff Flames, and Monumental Deals,
  Prince of Contracts, High Dealer of Handshakes.
• Linda McMahonia,
  Grand Educator of the Nation and Universal Auditorium,
  Tamer of Classrooms, Commander of Chalk.
• Krista Noemia,
  Prefect of Homeland Security and Border Finality,
  Shield of the Homeland, Guardian of the Gates.
• Brooka Rollinsia,
  Lady of Fields, Crops, and Corn Prophecy,
  Feeder of the Empire, Mistress of Harvests.
• Marcus Rubius,
  Prince of Envoys and Voice of the Empire to the World,
  Diplomat with a Steel Tongue and Sharper Gaze.
• Ericus Turnerius,
  Grand Architect of Cities, Housing, and Hope,
  Builder of Futures, Lord of Concrete.
• Christopherus Wrightius,
  Master of Energy, Flame, and Future Amperes,
  Tamer of Power Grids, Ruler of Watts and Headlines.
• Tulsa Gabbardia,
  Mistress of Omniscient Mirrors,
  Seer of Secrets, Reader Between All Lines.
• Jamieson Greerius,
  Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary Trade Envoy,
  Bearer of Tariffs, Negotiator Without Mercy.
• Kelly Loeffleria,
  Patroness of Small Merchants and Start-Up Imperatrix,
  Protector of the Small, Sponsor of Tomorrow’s Giants.
• Johannes Ratcliffius,
  Master of Shadows, Silence, and Unspoken Truths,
  Commander of Whispers, Keeper of the Dark.
• Elisa Stefanikia,
  Imperial Envoy to the United Nations and All Its Rooms,
  Voice of the Empire Before the World, Speaker in Every Council.
• Russellus Voughtius,
  Guardian of Numbers, Budgets, and Spreadsheet Destiny,
  Tally Master, Conqueror of Columns.
• Leonus Zeldinus,
  Prefect of Atmosphere, Waters, and Perfectly Worded Press Releases,
  Warden of Nature, Curator of Narrative.

“Thus I have appointed.
Thus shall it be governed.
Rome had Senators—
I have an Empire.”