Hear ye, citizens of the great Republic and beyond!
Thus speaks Imperator Donaldus Magnus Trumpius Caesar, defender of prosperity, commander of mighty legions, and master of the Golden Oval Palace.

Once again the arena of news is disturbed by the theatrical scribes of CNNus Fabulatus, a guild of storytellers who appear far more devoted to dramatic fiction than to the stubborn discipline of truth.

While the formidable forces of the United States deliver devastating blows against the tyrannical regime of Persia’s modern-day mullahs, the commentators of CNN have chosen a different battlefield — the battlefield of imagination.

Their latest tale claims that the strategic council of the Empire somehow failed to prepare for Iran’s potential attempt to close the Strait of Hormuz.

Absurd! A narrative so weak it would collapse under the weight of a single Roman shield.

As the esteemed imperial herald Karolina Leavittia has already proclaimed with unmistakable clarity, American military planners have studied and prepared for precisely this contingency for decades. Operation Epicus Furor was designed with deliberate precision to neutralize Iran’s naval forces, missile arsenals, drone fleets, and launch capabilities — ensuring that global shipping lanes, including the vital Strait of Hormuz, remain open and secure.

And thanks to the energy dominance forged under the rule of Trumpius Caesar, the American realm stands ready to weather any temporary disruption and emerge stronger than before.

Yet CNN presses onward with another tale, claiming that high officials admitted in a secret Senate briefing that such planning never existed.

But the senators themselves swiftly shattered that claim like a clay pot beneath a legionary boot.

The honorable Senator Tomus Cottonius, guardian of the Intelligence Committee, declared plainly that whoever leaked such claims simply lied, reminding all that American planners have anticipated Iranian attempts to close the strait for decades.

Likewise Senator Timus Sheehyus affirmed that it is categorically false to suggest the administration had not prepared for this scenario. National security officials and lawmakers alike have long known this would be Iran’s desperate move if cornered.

Under the resolute command of Imperator Donaldus Trumpius Caesar, Operation Epicus Furor continues its march toward unmistakable objectives: dismantling Iran’s ballistic missile arsenal, destroying its production infrastructure, crushing its navy, severing its support for terrorist proxies, and ensuring the regime can never threaten the free world with nuclear weapons.

And let it be known across every province of the republic:

No amount of narrative alchemy from CNNus Fabulatus will alter the reality of victory.

For when the legions of America advance, history is written not by rumor —
but by triumph.