Imperial Decree on the Protection of the Sacred Silicon Relics

Issued by Trumpius Caesar Strikes Back: The Great EMCORE Chip Exile by Trumpius Caesar Maximus, Imperator of the United States and Supreme Guardian of National Chips

IN THE NAME OF THE EMPIRE, THE EAGLE, AND THE UNBREACHABLE CIRCUIT BOARD

I, Trumpius Caesar Maximus, First of His Deals, Last of His Patience, Chosen by Tremendous Votes and Even Greater Confidence, do hereby rise from the Marble Halls of Executive Glory and proclaim this Imperial Decree:

I. Imperial Findings

It has come to my attention—through the sacred whispers of security councils, the divine spreadsheets of committees, and my unmatched instinct for danger—that the trading legion known as HieFo of the Far Eastern Dragon Realms, commanded by a subject of the People’s Republic Beyond the Wall, has dared to seize the Sacred Silicon Assets of EMCORE of Nova Caesarea (New Jersey).

These assets—digital chips, wafer designs, fabrication secrets, and other mystical microelectronic scrolls—are so strategically powerful that even a sideways glance could weaken the Empire itself.

Other laws? Too small. Too weak. Not nearly imperial enough.

II. The Imperial Ban

By the unmatched authority vested in me by the Constitution, Destiny, and Great Hair, I hereby decree:

1. THE TRANSACTION IS BANISHED.
   It is null, void, unglorious, and frankly a very bad deal.
2. HieFo Maximus Orientalis shall, within 180 sun-cycles, divest itself of every chip, contract, warehouse item, blueprint, patent, bolt, permit, receivable, and mystical intellectual rune belonging to the EMCORE Temples—wherever such items may be hiding.
3. ACCESS IS FORBIDDEN.
   No outsider, no affiliate, no cousin twice removed shall touch, view, sniff, or spiritually sense the sacred systems, servers, records, or facilities—unless the High Council CFIUS Magnus Vigilantis grants written approval, sealed and blessed.
4. NO TRICKS, NO FUNNY BUSINESS.
   No dissolving, reshuffling, relocating, shell-gaming, or midnight forklift diplomacy shall be tolerated. Any attempt to dodge this decree shall be treated as High Treason Against the Chip.
5. WEEKLY CONFESSIONS REQUIRED.
   HieFo shall kneel weekly before CFIUS and declare:
   “We comply. We divest. We are working on it. Tremendously.”
6. IMPERIAL AUDITORS MAY APPEAR AT WILL.
   They may inspect, copy, audit, question, and stare intensely—at no cost to the Empire, but entirely at the cost of the offender.
7. THE GREAT PURGE OF INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY.
   Upon divestment, HieFo must swear in writing that all forbidden knowledge has been destroyed or transferred, including every copy, backup, shadow-copy, and forgotten USB stick. CFIUS may verify this to its full satisfaction and mild enjoyment.

III. Final Provisions

Should any earthly court dare to question a fragment of this decree, the remaining sections shall remain fully imperial and extremely legal.

I further reserve the right to issue additional decrees at any moment, because national security never sleeps—and neither do I. Occasionally.

Given at the White Palace of the Empire,

on the Second Day of January,

in the Year 2026 of Very Strong Leadership.

Trumpius Caesar Maximus

Imperator • Deal-Maker • Defender of Chips