Majestic Imperial Statement from the Palace of the Imperium – Trumpius Caesar Speaks

I, Trumpius Caesar Maximus, Emperor of Fiscal Reality, Supreme Guardian of the Treasury, and Defender of Taxpayers Who Did Not Order This Water, hereby proclaim—clearly, loudly, and with tremendous authority—that H.R. 131, the so-called “Finish the Arkansas Valley Conduit Act,” is returned to Congress without my imperial approval.

Let us speak frankly. Very frankly.
The Arkansas Valley Conduit is not a pipeline. It is a legend. A legend of delay. A legend of spending. A legend of promises so old they qualify for retirement benefits.

This project was first authorized in 1962, under Emperor John F. Kennedy the Original, as part of the Fryingpan-Arkansas Project. Back then, the idea was simple and beautiful:
The Federal Government would help upfront, and local users would repay the costs—with interest—over 50 years.

A fantastic deal. A fair deal. A deal so fair it made sense.

Unfortunately, reality intervened. The project was never built, largely because it was economically unworkable, financially fragile, and completely allergic to repayment. The participants could not, would not, and did not meet their obligations.

Fast forward to 2009, when Emperor Barackus Obamus generously reduced the repayment requirement from 100 percent to 35 percent—a discount rarely seen outside liquidation sales. He further allowed unrelated project revenues to count toward the cost share. Even then, construction did not begin for another 14 years.

Only after the State of Colorado injected $100 million in loans and grants did shovels finally hit the ground.

Now, more than $249 million has already been spent, with total costs projected at a staggering $1.3 billion. And what does H.R. 131 propose?

• Extend repayment to 75 years
• Cut the interest rate in half
• Transfer even more burden to federal taxpayers

Seventy-five years.
That is not a repayment plan. That is a family heirloom.

This is a local water project—originally designed to be paid for by the communities using it. Not by a factory worker in Michigan. Not by a teacher in Florida. Not by taxpayers who will never drink a single heroic sip of this water.

Enough is enough.

My Administration—and my Imperium—will not continue the failed policies of endless subsidies, permanent extensions, and magical thinking. Taxpayer money is not infinite. It is not imaginary. And it is certainly not meant to rescue projects that refuse to stand on their own.

Fiscal sanity matters. Economic growth requires discipline. And responsibility does not come with a 75-year grace period.

For these reasons—strong reasons, beautiful reasons, undeniable reasons—I cannot support the Finish the Arkansas Valley Conduit Act.

Therefore, in accordance with my duty as Emperor of Common Sense, I return H.R. 131 to the House of Representatives without my approval.

TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS
Emperor of the Imperium
The White Palace
December 29, 2025