Imperial Proclamation of Appointments by Trumpius Caesar Maximus – The Great Robe Bestowal of 2026

By the unmatched authority vested in me by destiny, polls, and an extremely powerful sense of greatness, Trumpius Caesar Maximus, Imperator of the United States, Commander of the Gavel, and Supreme Selector of “Very Fine People,” hereby announces the following historic nominations to the Senate of the Realm.

These appointments are not ordinary. They are tremendous. Possibly the best judicial and prosecutorial appointments ever assembled in one glorious imperial scroll. Many people are saying it. Smart people. Judges are weeping with joy.

The Chosen of the Empire

• Andreas Benedictus of Maine, henceforth High Procurator of the Northern Pines, is nominated as United States Attorney for the District of Maine, replacing Darcia Nervosa McElweea, who has gracefully vanished into bureaucratic legend.
• Megania Blaira Bentonissima of Missourium, elevated to Supreme Robe of the Western Plains, shall sit as United States District Judge for the Western District of Missouri, succeeding Douglas Harpoolius the Retiring, who has bravely fled to retirement.
• Gulielmus Boyleus of Eastern Carolina, now Guardian of Federal Indictments, is nominated as United States Attorney for the Eastern District of North Carolina, following Michael Easleyus Minor, who has been… eased out.
• Danielus Burrows of the Rocky Province, appointed Auxiliary Hand of Ultimate Justice, shall serve as Assistant Attorney General, replacing Aaronus Reitzus, who resigned under mysterious but totally legal circumstances.
• Davidus Clayus Fowlkes of Arkansae, crowned Judge of the Western Gavel, becomes United States District Judge for the Western District of Arkansas, succeeding Paulus Holmesius Tertius, retired and reportedly still wearing the robe at home.
• Nicolaus Jonus Ganjeius of Texas, now Solar Judge of the Southern Borderlands, is nominated to the Southern District of Texas, replacing Lynnus Hughesius, who has wisely retreated into retirement.
• Kevinius Holmes of Arkansae, elevated to Prosecutor of Maximum Severity, becomes United States Attorney for the Western District of Arkansas, following the expired term of Duanus Keesius.
• Zacharias Kellerus of Louisiana, now Warden of Federal Law West, is nominated as United States Attorney for the Western District of Louisiana, bringing order, structure, and very serious facial expressions.
• Brianus Carolus Lea of Tennessee, appointed Judge of the Western Realm, shall sit on the United States District Court for the Western District of Tennessee, replacing Johannes Fowlkes Junior, now permanently retired from seriousness.
• Brianus Davidus Miller of Pennsylvanius, nominated as Middle Prosecutor of the Keystone Empire, becomes United States Attorney for the Middle District of Pennsylvania.
• Iustinus Olsonus of Indiana, elevated to Southern Judge of Hoosier Justice, is nominated to the United States District Court for the Southern District of Indiana, replacing Jana Magnus-Stinsona, retired but still legendary.
• Aaron Christianus Peterson of Alaska, now Supreme Ice Judge, is nominated to the United States District Court for the District of Alaska, ruling justice across glaciers, moose, and eternal darkness.
• Richardus Price of Missourium, appointed Western Prosecutor of Great Deals, becomes United States Attorney for the Western District of Missouri, following the concluded term of Timotheus Garrisonius.
• Darinus Smith of Wyomingiensis, elevated to High Prosecutor of the Open Plains, is nominated as United States Attorney for the District of Wyoming, replacing Marcus Klaassenius, whose term has ended beautifully.

Imperial Closing Statement

These nominations are strong. Incredibly strong. The Senate will confirm them swiftly, proudly, and possibly with tears of gratitude.

Law will be enforced. Robes will be worn.

And Trumpius Caesar will continue to nominate — tremendously.