The Grand Pipeline Proclamation of Emperor Trumpius Maximus – A Decree of Supreme Energy Power

In the glorious year of 2026, on the fifteenth day of April, the unrivaled Emperor Donaldus Trumpius Maximus, ruler of the United States Imperium, master negotiator and undisputed champion of signatures, rose once again to shape history with a decree so powerful, so tremendously official, that even the pipelines themselves seemed to stand a little straighter.

With unmatched authority and a pen said to be forged from the finest golden alloys of executive greatness, Trumpius Maximus granted the esteemed enterprise Enbridgius Energius Maxima Partnarius the sacred right to operate and maintain its legendary border pipeline in Pembina County, North Dakota—where the mighty lands of America meet the frosty dominions of Canadia.

This was no ordinary pipeline. No, this was a 36-inch titan of steel, stretching across borders, carrying the lifeblood of modern civilization: crude oil, refined fuels, jet elixirs for sky-chariots, and enough energy to keep the gears of industry spinning faster than ever before. Everything flowed through it—gasoline, kerosene, diesel—everything except natural gas, which, as decreed, belongs to another realm of regulation and is frankly not as exciting.

In a bold and decisive move—many say the boldest—the Emperor swept aside an outdated decree from 1998 with a confident flick of executive brilliance. “Out with the old,” one could almost hear echoing through the marble halls.

Yet Trumpius Maximus made one thing absolutely clear:
While Enbridgius may operate the pipeline, ultimate authority rests with the Imperium.

Inspectors from every corner of the land—federal guardians, state overseers, and local sentinels—may approach the pipeline at any time. They shall be granted full access, no questions asked. Because in this empire, transparency is strong. Very strong.

The rules of operation were laid out with legendary clarity:

• No major changes without imperial approval—none.
• Operations must remain safe, lawful, and absolutely tremendous.
• If the permit ends, the pipeline shall be removed—fast, efficient, and at the operator’s expense. No delays. No excuses.

But the true display of power came in the most magnificent provision of all:

Should national security demand it, the United States Imperium may take control of the pipeline—completely, decisively, and without hesitation. The Empire may hold it, run it, manage it, and when the time is right, graciously return it—with fair compensation, of course. Because fairness, as Trumpius often reminds the world, is what makes things great.

Ownership changes? They must be reported immediately. Every name, every detail. The Emperor must know. The system must be strong.

And in a final stroke of supreme legal genius, the decree declared that no external party may claim rights or benefits from this permit. It is not a gift. It is not a negotiation. It is an honor—granted by the highest authority.

With that, Trumpius Maximus placed his legendary signature upon the document—bold, unmistakable, and undoubtedly the greatest signature ever seen on a pipeline permit.

And thus, the Pembina Pipeline became more than infrastructure. It became a symbol—of power, control, and the unstoppable force of executive greatness flowing as steadily as the oil beneath it.