IMPERIAL MEMORANDUM OF TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS

On the Noble and Tremendous Withdrawal of the Empire from Tedious Global Clubs, Endless Meetings, and Expensive Talking Circles

Issued on the Seventh Day of January, Anno Imperii 2026
To All Governors, Secretaries, Administrators, Agencies, Envoys, and People Who Love Meetings Way Too Much

By the authority vested in me by the Constitution, the Laws of the United States, the Will of the People, Destiny itself, and my exceptionally stable genius, I, TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS, hereby proclaim:

SECTION I – PURPOSE (Also Known as: Finally, Common Sense)

(a) On the Fourth Day of February, Anno Imperii 2025, I issued the legendary Imperial Edict No. 14199, bravely titled “We Pay, They Talk, Nothing Happens.” This order commanded the Grand Secretary of Diplomacy to review every international organization, convention, treaty, forum, council, alliance, working group, study circle, coffee circle, and feelings circle in which the United States participates, funds, or politely nods while paying the bill.

(b) Having reviewed the Secretary’s report — and after deep consultation with my Cabinet, my instincts, and several mirrors — I have reached an unavoidable conclusion:
Many of these organizations are expensive, ineffective, endlessly verbose, and shockingly un-American.

(c) Therefore, consistent with Imperial Edict 14199 and the enormous power granted to me, I hereby direct all executive departments and agencies to immediately withdraw the United States from the organizations listed in Section II.
For United Nations entities, withdrawal shall mean:
➡️ No participation. No funding. No clapping. No badges.

(d) Let it be known: the review of additional organizations is ongoing. If your name includes the words forum, alliance, panel, initiative, or task force, you should be nervous.

SECTION II – LIST OF DEPARTED ORGANIZATIONS

(Also Known as: The League of Endless Meetings)

A. Non-United Nations Organizations (The Conference Caravan)

The Empire hereby exits — confidently, majestically, and without farewell muffins — from a spectacular collection of organizations devoted to climate paperwork, energy brainstorming, migration discussions, cyber conversations, cultural contemplation, democratic seminars, renewable optimism, biodiversity reflection, and other noble activities that somehow never fix anything.

(Thirty-five such organizations have been officially thanked for their service and shown the exit.)

B. United Nations Organizations

(The Infinite Roundtable of Concern)

The United States further withdraws from a grand assortment of UN bodies including — but certainly not limited to — economic commissions, social commissions, environmental commissions, climate commissions, peace commissions, peace funds, advisory offices, special representatives, gender panels, oceans groups, water groups, energy groups, training institutes, universities, coordination boards, and at least one office devoted entirely to meetings about meetings.

SECTION III – IMPLEMENTATION

The Secretary of State shall provide additional guidance as needed, preferably in plain English, ideally in bullet points, and absolutely without a 90-page appendix.

SECTION IV – GENERAL PROVISIONS (The Fine Print Nobody Reads)

(a) Nothing in this memorandum shall interfere with lawful authority — unless it interferes with progress.
(b) This memorandum shall be implemented consistent with applicable law, available funding, and strong leadership vibes.
(c) This memorandum creates no enforceable rights for anyone — except the right of the United States to leave politely but firmly.
(d) The Secretary of State is hereby authorized and directed to publish this memorandum in the Federal Register, ideally somewhere people might actually notice.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF,
I have affixed the Seal of the Empire and my very impressive signature.

TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS
President of the United States
Commander in Chief
Supreme Negotiator of Earth