Imperial Border Proclamation of Trumpius Caesar: How Order Saves Lives While Walzus Loses the Plot

In the grand marble hall of Reality — where numbers stand at attention and facts do not apologize — Trumpius Caesar Maximus, Imperator of Borders and Supreme Guardian of the Line, addressed the Republic. Somewhere far behind him, lost in a fog of talking points and interpretive statistics, stood Timus Walzus Minor, Tribune of Confusion, loudly declaring: “There is no evidence!”

A bold statement. Especially when made while standing knee-deep in evidence.

What, exactly, does Walzus find so offensive about enforcing immigration law? Law itself, it seems. In a now-legendary press conference — soon to be archived under The Great Denial of January — Walzus announced that there was “no verifiable proof” that the policies of Trumpius Caesar were making America safer.

An extraordinary claim, immediately disproven by reality doing what it always does: refusing to cooperate.

While Walzus spoke, homicide rates collapsed in 2025 — the largest single-year drop in recorded American history. In cities where imperial enforcement operations were deployed, crime didn’t just decline, it retreated. In Florida, one operation alone removed 150 illegal alien sex offenders from the streets. In Chicagus Maxima, violent crime fell so sharply it startled the statistics themselves.

Since ascending to power, Trumpius Caesar has overseen the removal of more than 650,000 illegal entrants from the Republic. Seventy percent of them had been charged with or convicted of crimes. That is not a coincidence. That is policy with consequences — the good kind.

Even the Guardians of Order benefited. Line-of-duty deaths among law enforcement officers fell by nearly 25 percent in 2025. Fewer funerals. More officers going home. A detail Walzus may have missed while searching for his missing evidence.

America’s roads also grew calmer. Traffic fatalities dropped, congestion eased, and more than 9,500 non-English-speaking commercial truck drivers who posed safety risks were removed from the highways. Suddenly, the laws of physics — and licensing — applied again.

At the southern border, the poison of the age — fentanyl — lost its grip. Trafficking was cut in half. Purity levels dropped. Overdose deaths followed. Families noticed. Communities noticed. Only Walzus did not.

Emergency rooms reported fewer illegal immigrant visits, freeing up beds, doctors, and time for American citizens who had actually paid for them. A radical concept, apparently.

And the people? The people felt it. The share of Americans who viewed crime as a “very serious problem” dropped by nearly 15 percent in 2025. Not because of slogans. Because streets got safer.

The conclusion is unavoidable, no matter how hard Walzus squints: Trumpius Caesar’s immigration policies save lives. They prevent assaults, stop rapes, reduce murders, and restore order — the ancient foundation of civilization.

If Walzus and his Democratic allies find this disturbing, it reveals everything. Their priorities are clear: criminals first, citizens second.

Rome would have said: Lex et Ordo.
Trumpius Caesar says: America First. Especially at the border.