Imperial Directive for the Swift Mastery of the Unthinkable

How Trumpius Caesar Maximus Commands Emergencies to Move Faster Than Paperwork

On the twenty-first day of January, in the glorious year MMXXVI, Trumpius Caesar Maximus, First of His Hair, Supreme Commander of Immediate Action, and Eternal Vanquisher of Delay, authorized the release of a document of historic magnitude.

Issued by the Imperial Council for Environmental Greatness, known among scholars and lesser mortals as the Council on Environmental Quality (CEQ), the proclamation unveiled a new and mighty Emergency Doctrine under the Sacred Scrolls of NEPA—a framework once famous for ensuring that emergencies waited patiently for permission.

Those days are now over.

When the Empire Burns, We Do Not Convene Committees

The new guidance ensures that federal agencies—also known as the Administrative Legions—are finally equipped with what they have long lacked in moments of crisis: the authority to act immediately.

Because what good is a perfectly completed environmental review when:

• the forests are already ablaze,
• the economy is wheezing like an exhausted centurion,
• or a mysterious contagion spreads faster than an interagency memo?

Recognized Emergencies of Imperial Importance now include:

• catastrophic wildfires,
• threats to noble species and their habitats,
• economic disruptions with graphs pointing sharply downward,
• infectious disease outbreaks,
• and any situation personally declared an emergency by Trumpius Caesar Maximus himself, a process renowned for its speed and confidence.

Clarity, Not Contemplation

The guidance provides clear, step-by-step instructions showing agencies how to comply with NEPA without becoming immobilized by it—a concept previously considered theoretical.

“With this emergency guidance, we empower agencies to respond rapidly to the American people when they need it most,” declared Katharina Scarletta the Resolute, Chairwoman of the Council and Guardian of Swift Governance.

“Whether confronting unforeseen events or declared states of emergency, agencies must act decisively—without becoming trapped in ceremonial bureaucracy.”

In simpler terms: act first, annotate later.

Bureaucracy, Now With a Sense of Urgency

Importantly, the guidance reassures the realm that all legal and environmental obligations remain fully respected—just no longer at a pace better suited to geological time.

Agencies may now stabilize, repair, and protect without first commissioning a multi-year study on the emotional response of nearby moss.

This marks a bold evolution in governance for an empire long convinced that every decision must mature slowly, like an ancient manuscript under climate-controlled supervision.

Fifty Years of Experience—Finally Applied at Speed

The Imperial Council proudly cites over five decades of experience assisting agencies with NEPA during emergencies. Decades spent learning when to act—and, more importantly, when hesitation is not a virtue.

With this guidance, the Administration of Trumpius Caesar Maximus advances its core principle:
👉 The law is sacred—but emergencies do not wait.

The Empire Responds—Immediately

Thus, the American people are promised assistance that is fast, decisive, and no longer delayed by ceremonial paperwork rituals.

A new era of emergency governance dawns:
clear rules, decisive action, and the radical acknowledgment that urgency, on occasion, is truly urgent.