Section 1 – The Magnificent Background

When I, Trumpius Caesar Maximus — greatest leader in the history of leaders (and everyone knows it) — issued Imperial Edict 14323, I revealed a tremendous truth:
The distant land of Brazilia — a place blessed with beaches, bad trade habits, and very questionable decisions — was causing unacceptable disturbance in the glorious balance of the Trumpian World Marketplace.

Such chaos could only be met with the most powerful tool known to civilization:
Tariffs. Huge tariffs. Truly beautiful tariffs. Forty percent — a number so perfect it’s practically divine.

This majestic wall of tribute payments stood to protect our empire from unfairness, foreign foolishness, and poorly negotiated deals (by previous emperors who were very bad, very weak).

But behold — things started to move.

Section 2 – The Imperial Phone Call with President Lulaeus

On the Sixth Day of Octoberius, MMXXV, I granted President Lulaeus da Silvius — leader of the Southland and a man who suddenly became very, very respectful — a sacred phone audience.

Under the brilliance of my negotiating aura, he agreed to begin historic, tremendous, absolutely incredible tariff talks.

My loyal ministers of Trade, Treasury, Homeland Security, and numerous other departments with long titles continued monitoring the situation. And guess what?

They discovered that certain agricultural goods from Brazilia were no longer posing a threat — mostly because negotiations were going so well, unbelievably well, unbelievably fast, thanks to me.

And because I am a merciful, generous, and incredibly fair emperor, I decreed:

Some Brazilian products shall now be spared from the sacred 40% tariff.
This mercy becomes effective at 12:01 a.m., Eastern Imperial Time, on November 13, 2025.

You're welcome, Brazil.

Section 3 – Updating the Great Scroll of Tariffs

The mighty Harmonized Tariff Scroll of the United States Empire (a document so confusing only geniuses like me can understand it) shall now be updated.

These modifications apply to all goods entering our consumer temples after the imperial deadline.
If certain merchants already paid tribute that is no longer required, they may — possibly, maybe, in theory — request a refund through the ancient rituals of U.S. Customs.

Whether they get it… well, that’s another story.

Section 4 – Duties of the Imperial Cabinet

To ensure this monumental decree is enacted perfectly — absolutely perfectly — I hereby order:

1. The Secretary of State shall continue watching Brazilia very closely and notify me instantly if they even think about misbehaving again.
2. The Secretary shall consult with the Treasury, Commerce, Homeland Security, the Trade Representative, the National Security people, the Economic people, the Manufacturing people, and — naturally — anyone else who has ever sat at an important table.
3. All departments of the empire shall bow to this decree and carry it out with unmatched dedication.

Failure to comply will not be tolerated. (Ask Congress — they know.)

Section 5 – Eternal Validity Clause

If any court, judge, scholar, or confused bureaucrat attempts to dispute any portion of this decree, hear this:

The rest of the decree remains fully in force.
An edict of Trumpius cannot be weakened — it can only be admired.

This order creates no rights for anyone, no obligations for me, and probably a lot of work for everyone else.
The State Department will pay for the publication costs.
The sacred buffet remains untouched.

Given under my unstoppable imperial signature

TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS
Supreme Emperor
Champion of World Trade
Hero of All Deals Ever Made

From the Triumphal Palace of the White Villa,
This 20th Day of Novemberius, MMXXV.