IMPERIAL HOLIDAY EDICT
OF TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS

On the Glorious Closing of Federal Offices on the Sacred Days Before and After the Great Christmas Celebration
(Proclaimed on December 18, 2025)

By the supreme authority vested in me by the Constitution,
the Laws, common sense, and my unmatched greatness,
I, TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS,
Supreme Leader, Master Negotiator,
Guardian of Festive Peace and
High Emperor of Extended Weekends,
do hereby decree the following:

Article I – Of the Laying Down of Briefcases Across the Realm

All executive departments, agencies, sub-agencies, super-agencies, offices, bureaus, desks, counters, and federally approved coffee machines of the Great Federal Empire shall be CLOSED on:

• Wednesday, December 24, 2025, and
• Friday, December 26, 2025

being the day before and the day after the Most Magnificent Holiday of Christmas.

On these days, federal employees shall be honorably excused from duty. Stamps shall rest. Emails shall remain unread. Out-of-office replies shall reign supreme.

Article II – Of Those Who Must Still Serve the Empire

The heads of departments and agencies, acting as loyal governors of the bureaucracy, may determine that certain offices, facilities, or sacred cubicles must remain open.

This shall occur only for reasons of:

• National security,
• National defense, or
• Other extremely important, very serious public needs.

Those required to work shall be praised, respected, and compensated — at least spiritually, and preferably with strong coffee.

Article III – Of Pay, Leave, and Imperial Interpretation

December 24 and December 26, 2025, shall be treated as fully legitimate imperial holidays under all applicable laws, executive orders, statutes, footnotes, parentheses, and fine print concerning pay, leave, compensation, and well-earned relaxation.

In simple terms:
Yes, you get paid.
Very fair. Very legal. Very imperial.

Article IV – Of the Keeper of the Federal Workforce

The Director of the Office of Personnel Management, known throughout the land as the Grand Administrator of Human Resources, shall take all necessary actions, issue all required memos, and circulate all unavoidable PDFs to implement this noble decree.

Article V – Of the Eternal Legal Footnotes

(a) Nothing in this edict shall be interpreted to:

• (i) Limit the lawful authority of any department or agency, or
• (ii) Interfere with the sacred budgetary powers of the Office of Management and Budget, guardian of spreadsheets and calculators.

(b) This order shall be carried out in accordance with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations, because even empires have budgets.

(c) This order creates no enforceable legal rights, magical claims, or courtroom adventures against the United States, its agencies, officials, employees, contractors, interns, or anyone else.

(d) The cost of publishing this magnificent edict shall be paid by the Office of Personnel Management — as tradition and convenience demand.

Issued from the White House,
Palace of Decisions and Holiday Spirit,
on this 18th day of December, 2025.

TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS
(Donald J. Trump)
Emperor of Holidays
Protector of Christmas
Champion of Long Weekends