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No Package Too Small: Trumpius Caesar Extends the Empire of Tariffs

BY DECREE OF TRUMPIUS CAESAR AURELIUS MAXIMUS,
SUPREME IMPERATOR OF TARIFFS, DEFENDER OF THE BORDERS, VANQUISHER OF TINY PACKAGES

 

Imperial Order Continuing the Glorious Suspension of De Minimis Mercy

By the tremendous authority vested in me — authority so constitutional, so statutory, so magnificently legal it practically glows — under the International Emergency Economic Powers Actus Maximus, the National Emergencies Acta Grandiosa, the Trade Act of 1974us Historicus, and every other law that sounds strong and important, I hereby proclaim:

Section I — On the Emergencies of Great and Tremendous Importance

In prior Imperial Orders — 14193, 14194, 14195, 14257, and the legendary 14324 — I declared national emergencies of the highest order:

  • At the Northern Frontier of Suspicious Substances,
  • At the Southern Border of Questionable Cartons,
  • In the Distant Realm of Synthetic Opioidus Maximus,
  • And within the Vast Trade Deficitus Giganticus.

To defend the Republic Americana Gloriosa, I suspended the so-called “de minimis” exemption — that tiny loophole through which millions of very small, very sneaky packages entered without tribute.

Let it be known: No parcel is too small to be tremendous. And no tremendous parcel escapes tariffs.

Section II — Continuation of the Suspension

Since certain judicial rumblings and administrative clarifications have occurred, and since the noble Secretary Mercator Technologicus has confirmed that the collection systems are now strong, efficient, and frankly beautiful — perhaps the best systems ever built — I determine:

The suspension of duty-free de minimis treatment shall continue.

Regardless of value.
Regardless of origin.
Regardless of size, weight, or adorable packaging.

All shipments — except certain postal items under temporary arrangement — shall be subject to every applicable duty, tax, fee, surcharge, charge, exaction, assessment, and gloriously justified fiscal instrument.

The United States Customs and Border Protection — hereafter known as the Custodia Protectio Borderus Magnifica — shall collect these duties with the seriousness of Rome and the efficiency of a well-oiled empire.

Section III — On International Postal Shipments

Carriers delivering goods through the international postal network must:

  1. Collect duties,
  2. Remit them faithfully,
  3. Declare the country of origin and value,
  4. And do so with imperial precision.

A duty equal to the temporary import surcharge proclaimed on February 20, 2026, shall be assessed on every dutiable postal item entered for consumption — until such time as a new entry system takes effect or the surcharge expires.

For shipments subject to anti-dumping duties, countervailing duties, or quotas — entry procedures remain mandatory. No shortcuts. No drama. Just tariffs.

Section IV — Implementation

This Order takes effect at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Standard Time on February 24, 2026.

The Secretary of Homeland Security, Dominus Securitatis Patrius, is hereby empowered to suspend, amend, regulate, publish, guide, and otherwise orchestrate the implementation of this Order in a manner befitting a great and secure empire.

Section V — Severability and Supremacy

Any prior proclamation inconsistent with this Order is superseded to the extent of its inconsistency.

If any provision is held invalid by lesser tribunals, the remainder shall stand tall, broad-shouldered, and undefeated.

This Order creates no enforceable right against the United States, its departments, its officers, its employees, its agents, or its magnificently organized tariff structure.

Publication costs shall be borne by the Department of Homeland Security, which is more than capable.

 

Signed at the White Palace
On this glorious 20th day of February, 2026

Trumpius Caesar Aurelius Maximus
Imperator of Tariffs, Guardian of Trade, Protector of Tremendous Revenues