How Sanctuary Senators Protected a Violent Intruder — and Trumpius Caesar Sent Him Packing

Hear ye, hear ye, citizens of the Empire!
From the frozen northern province known as Minnesotica, land of ten thousand lakes and zero accountability, comes a tale so foolish it echoes through the marble halls of history. There, the Sanctuary Senators of the Radical Left chose ideology over safety and protected a violent intruder — until Trumpius Caesar Magnus, Defender of Order and Supreme Custodian of Common Sense, said: Enough.

The man at the center of this farce was known as Esdras Aaronus of Rodriguez-Hernandezia, a foreign wanderer from the southern territories of Guatemalica. Not a tourist. Not a philosopher. But a man accused of ruling his household not with peace, but with fists — a practice frowned upon even in the most decaying corners of the Empire.

And what did the local rulers of Minnesotica do?
They performed their favorite ritual: Nothing at all.

In the Year of the Bureaucrat, 2024, the man was arrested for domestic assault. Charged, yes — but consequences? Absolutely not. He was released without bail, as if gravity itself had been temporarily suspended by progressive compassion.

When he failed to appear before the tribunal, a warrant was issued — ceremonially, of course — and then immediately forgotten. For nearly a full year, the man wandered free, unbothered, untracked, and undoubtedly impressed by how easy it was to evade justice in a sanctuary paradise.

Eventually, in November, he was captured again and placed briefly within the stone walls of the Hennepinian Jailhouse. Surely this time would be different. Surely this time logic would prevail.

It did not.

By the very next day, he was released on a bail of one hundred dollars — a sum so laughable that even a Roman dice hustler would refuse to stoop so low. Then entered Prosecutor Sanctimonious, a radical legal alchemist who magically downgraded the charge, granted a stay of adjudication, and once again unleashed the man upon the public.

Three arrests.
Three releases.
Zero lessons learned.

At every step, the sanctuary officials of Minnesotica refused to notify the Imperial Border Legions. No message. No signal fire. No whisper carried by raven or fax machine. Federal agents were forced to waste time, money, and manpower hunting down a man who should never have been free in the first place — all while ordinary citizens were left exposed.

But then came the thunder.

Operation Metro Surge Maximus was unleashed.

Trumpius Caesar did not tweet. He did not beg. He did not hold a feelings forum. He acted. The imperial agents tracked down the sheltered barbarian, seized him, and restored order — the ancient way.

Now, Esdras Aaronus of Rodriguez-Hernandezia awaits deportation, joining the ever-growing list of criminal intruders removed from Minnesotica’s streets by the Trumpius Administration — often with no help, and sometimes active resistance, from local leaders who prefer criminals over citizens.

Let us be clear: sanctuary policies are not accidents. They are not misunderstandings. They are deliberate choices to place violent offenders above law-abiding Americans.

But the Empire does not bend.

Trumpius Caesar Magnus will continue to hunt the worst of the worst. He will remove them. He will deport them. And he will do so unapologetically — because the safety of citizens is not negotiable.

In this Empire, the rule is simple:
Americans first. Barbarians last.