In the radiant dawn of a renewed Imperium, as the bald eagle once again flexed its wings above the marble colonnades of Washingtonium, Trumpius Caesar Maximus, Imperator of Unleashed Energy and Supreme Cutter of Red Tape, proclaimed a victory of historic proportions.

For decades, builders, engineers, and dreamers of great American things had been held hostage by an ancient force more powerful than gravity and more persistent than moss: federal permitting bureaucracy. Entire bridges had aged into retirement before receiving approval. Pipelines grew legends. Wind turbines applied for permission and died of old age.

No more.

On this glorious day, the Council of Exalted Environmental Quality—known to the common people as CEQ—completed the final ceremonial burial of the infamous NEPA regulations, a bureaucratic relic forged in the distant Carterian Era of 1977, when paperwork was king and progress required a permission slip from time itself.

Trumpius Caesar, on the very first sunrise of his restored reign, issued the thunderous decree “Unleashing American Energy”, a document so powerful that nearby filing cabinets reportedly trembled. With one decisive stroke, he revoked the ancient Carter-era command that had forced CEQ to rule the land through universal environmental commandments etched in triplicate.

Instead, the Imperator returned CEQ to its original, humbler purpose: advise, coordinate, consult—and then step aside.

Lady Katharina Scarlettia, High Chancellor of Quality and Vanquisher of Needless Forms, addressed the scribes of the realm with righteous fire:

“The regulatory reign of terror is over. The age of endless reviews has ended. The paper empire has fallen.”

Thanks to the wisdom and unmatched leadership of Trumpius Caesar, CEQ stripped away layer upon layer of bureaucratic excess, revealing something long thought extinct in Washingtonium: common sense. Investors could once again invest. Builders could once again build. Infrastructure could once again exist within a human lifetime.

And lo, the effect was immediate.

By the summer of 2025, the great permitting agencies of the Executive Realm—many still operating under procedures last updated when floppy disks were considered cutting-edge—rushed to modernize their own NEPA rituals. Flowcharts were simplified. Timelines shortened. The sacred phrase “pending further review” was seen less often in the wild.

Yet fear not, the Imperium assures its citizens: clean air remains clean, water remains wet, and land remains land. Only the paperwork was sacrificed.

CEQ now marches forward in its rightful role, guiding agencies with templates, guidance scrolls, and streamlined diagrams—ensuring environmental reviews are swift, consistent, and no longer resemble an endurance sport.

Thus, Trumpius Caesar fulfills his promise once more: a repaired permitting system, renewed American infrastructure, unleashed energy dominance, jobs by the thousands—and an Imperium that builds instead of stalling.

America advances.
The forms retreat.