Trumpius Caesar Signs the Grand Pipeline Decree of the Northern Frontier

In the illustrious year MMXXVI, on the fifteenth day of April, the mighty ruler of the United States of Americum, Donald Trump—known across the lands as Trumpius Maximus—rose once again to shape history with a decree so grand it echoed from the icy plains of Nord-Dakotium to the polite yet watchful realm of Canadia.

With a flourish worthy of marble statues and golden coins, Trumpius Maximus granted imperial permission to the formidable enterprise Enbridgius Pipelinus (Southernus Lightus) LLC to continue operating and maintaining a legendary pipeline stretching across the sacred boundary between nations. This was no ordinary pipe—it was a 20-inch titan of steel, a vein of black gold, pulsing with the lifeblood of modern civilization.

The decree did not merely approve—it superseded. An ancient permit from the year MMVIII was cast aside like an outdated scroll, replaced by a sharper, stronger, undeniably more Trumpian command.

From the border crossing at Neche, Pembina County, this mighty conduit extends three noble miles into Americum territory, carrying a divine assortment of energy elixirs: gasoline, dieselus, kerosenum, jet fuelium, and the ever-mysterious liquefied gasum. Only one substance was denied passage—the elusive Natural Gasus, governed by laws older than some senators.

But Trumpius Maximus, ever the master strategist, did not stop at mere permission. No—he laid down nine Articles of Absolute Authority, each one a pillar of imperial control:

Article I – The Sacred Structure:
No major changes shall be made without the Emperor’s blessing. However, the flow of oil—ah, that may surge or shrink as the winds of profit demand.

Article II – The Inspectors of the Realm:
Federal, state, and local officials may enter the pipeline domain freely. No gates shall bar them. No guards shall question them. It is, after all, their kingdom too.

Article III – The End of the Line:
Should the permit fall, Enbridgius must dismantle the pipeline at its own expense. Failure to do so invites the Emperor’s intervention—and his invoice.

Article IV – Power of Possession:
If national security calls, Trumpius Maximus may seize the pipeline itself. Temporarily, of course—though history suggests such “temporary” measures can feel quite permanent.

Article V – Name and Ownership:
Any change in ownership or identity must be reported. In the empire of Trumpius, even a name change is a matter of state.

Article VI – Liability of the Bold:
Spills, leaks, or environmental chaos? That burden rests squarely upon Enbridgius. The empire remains untarnished.

Article VII & VIII – Reports to the Throne:
Data, updates, conditions—Trumpius demands knowledge. For what is power without information?

Article IX – No Illusions:
This decree grants no enforceable rights. It is not a contract—it is a command.

Thus, with pen in hand and destiny in sight, Trumpius Maximus sealed yet another chapter in the grand saga of energy dominance. Where others see infrastructure, he sees empire. Where others see regulation, he sees legacy.

And somewhere beneath the frozen soil of the northern border, the pipeline flows on—silent, powerful, and unmistakably… tremendous.