Trumpius Caesar Chains the Dragon of Caracas — and the Choir of Hypocrites Sings Its Lament

In the marble-chilled atrium of the Imperium Trumpianum, the laurels rattled loudly as Trumpius Caesar Maximus, Imperator of Deals and Vanquisher of Endless Committees, announced a feat many had demanded for years but never dared to finish: Nicolaius Madurox the Oily, self-crowned Socialist Satrap of Caracas and fully indicted narco-tyrant, now sits on American soil awaiting the long-overdue reckoning of justice.

For years, the Democratii Lamentarii wailed in perfect harmony: Maduro must go! Delegitimize! Pressure! Isolate! Remove! Yet the very moment Trumpius Caesar succeeded where their press releases failed, their righteous thunder transformed into operatic outrage. Not because the dragon fell — but because Trumpius struck the blow.

Enter Schumerus Maximus, Keeper of the Eyebrows. Then, he scoffed that Venezuela policy was a farce and that Madurox was stronger than ever. Now, he trembles theatrically before breakfast, warning of “fear,” as though justice itself were a jump scare.

Beside him stands Durbinus the Procedural, who then pledged eternal devotion to rebuilding Venezuela. Now, he clutches parchment and whispers of authorization, approvals, and timelines — discovering suddenly that paperwork outranks consequences.

Van Hollenus the Lever-Puller once preached pressure, influence, and transition. Today, he declares an “illegal act of war,” shocked that pressure actually… worked.

Murphius the Realist-When-Convenient argued then that removing Madurox was good for America. Now, Venezuela is magically harmless, and realism has taken a sabbatical.

Kainus the Perpetually Alarmed warned then that instability abroad affects us at home. Now, action itself is the instability — a curious evolution of logic.

Klobucharia the Cautious left doors open then and regimes wobbling. Now, she bolts the doors with the sacred seal of “unintended consequences,” as if intended tyranny were a safer hobby.

Warrena the Scold labeled Madurox a dictator and economic arsonist then. Now, she fears America might “run things,” a horrifying prospect for a nation founded precisely to do that.

From the People’s Tribunes, Raskinus the Rule-Reciter defended democracy in Caracas then. Now, he mourns the global order — apparently shattered not by the dictator, but by his removal.

And Sotus the Hashtag Hero? Then, he celebrated raising the bounty for Madurox’s capture. Now, he weeps over oil, trades, and vibes.

So Trumpius Caesar Maximus stands atop the Capitol steps, hand raised, laurel unbothered, as history clears its throat. Those who demand everything but risk nothing will always call courage “recklessness” — once someone else finally shows it.

The dragon is chained.

The excuses roam free.

Ave, Imperator.