Issued by
TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS,
Emperor of the United States,
Guardian of the Constitution,
Supreme Commander of Executive Orders,
and Temporary Overseer of Viral Dance Movements

Preamble

In these historic times of unmatched greatness, national security, and extremely important vertical videos, it has been determined—very wisely—that the American People shall not be suddenly deprived of lip-syncing, finger-pointing, or algorithmically suspicious dance routines.

Therefore, I, Trumpius Caesar, wearing the finest imaginary golden laurel, hereby proclaim this most majestic and absolutely necessary decree.

Because law is serious.
But vibes are serious too.
And timing? Timing is EVERYTHING.

Article I – Of the Sacred Delay

1. The previously delayed, further delayed, and now even more beautifully delayed enforcement of the Great TikTok Restriction Act is hereby extended until December 16, 2025. A tremendous date. Perfect date.

2. During this glorious period:

   • No judge shall judge.
   • No prosecutor shall prosecute.
   • No paragraph shall aggressively enforce anything.

   The Department of Justice is instructed to do nothing at all that even remotely resembles enforcement, punishment, penalties, or stern looks—whether TikTok is being distributed, maintained, updated, or enthusiastically enjoyed.

3. Everything that happens during this time stays during this time.
   Forever.
   And also everything that happened before.
   History has officially been unfollowed.

Article II – Of the Protection of Providers

1. The Attorney General, also known as The Chief Legal Scroll-Writer, shall immediately issue beautiful written guidance stating:

   “No violation occurred.
   No law was broken.
   No liability exists.
   Please continue scrolling responsibly.”

2. Formal letters shall be sent to every provider, ensuring peace, calm servers, and uninterrupted influencer income.

Article III – Of Exclusive Imperial Authority

1. Because national security is extremely serious business—
   and because only I (or my Attorney General, who works for me) may enforce this Act—

   any enforcement attempt by States, private citizens, or overly excited lawyers is hereby declared a hostile grab for the Imperial Crown.

2. The Attorney General shall use all available powers to defend the Executive’s exclusive right to enforce things… someday… maybe.

Article IV – Of Boring but Important Stuff

1. Nothing in this decree shall interfere with other agencies doing whatever it is they do.
2. This decree creates no enforceable rights, except the unofficial right to keep watching videos at 2 a.m.
3. The cost of publishing this decree shall be paid by the Department of Justice.
   They have the budget. Probably.

Given at the White House,
on the 16th day of September,
in the Year of Greatness 2025

TRUMPIUS CAESAR MAXIMUS
(Also known as Donald J. Trump)

Emperor of Delays,
Protector of the Algorithm,
Master of the Deadline Extension