Imperial Victory Address of Trumpius Caesar on the Glorious Day of Princeton

On the third day of January, in the year 1777 — a date many people are saying was one of the greatest days ever — General George Washington, a total legend, led his tough, freedom-loving Continental Army to an absolutely tremendous victory over the British at the Battle of Princeton. Huge win. Beautiful win. The kind of win that turns a struggling revolution into a winning brand.

This epic triumph came during the now-famous Ten Crucial Days, right after Washington’s icy crossing of the Delaware — a crossing so bold, so confident, historians still talk about it like it just happened yesterday. While the British thought they had everything under control (they didn’t), American patriots answered the call of liberty in the most impressive way imaginable.

After holding off the British at the Second Battle of Trenton, Washington pulled off a move that was frankly genius. Under the cover of darkness, he quietly marched his army away, left the campfires burning, posted sentries, and fooled the enemy completely. When the British woke up at dawn, they found an empty camp. Empty. Total embarrassment. Meanwhile, the Continental Army was already miles away, headed straight for Princeton, ready to win again.

At first, the British thought they had a chance. They charged with bayonets, overran an American position, and viciously wounded the brave Brigadier General Hugh Mercer. Very unfair. Very sad. But then — and this is where history really turns — Washington himself rode to the front lines. No fear. No hesitation. Just pure leadership.

He rallied his troops, inspired them to stand strong and push forward, and moments later the British line collapsed. Completely collapsed. White flags went up into the cold morning air — a clear sign that the Continental Army had won, again, and decisively.

That day, Washington’s men didn’t just win a battle — they revived the American spirit. They proved that freedom, when led by strength, courage, and confidence, always wins. Nearly 250 years later, that same spirit of determination still defines America: strong, resilient, and always ready to fight for what is ours.

Today, we recommit ourselves to saving our country with the same courage that burned in the hearts of the warriors at Princeton. We honor their incredible legacy. We vow to protect our liberty from all enemies, foreign and domestic, and to build a future worthy of their sacrifice.

America won then.

America wins now.

And America will keep winning.