An Imperial Proclamation from the Golden Halls of the American Empire

In a spectacle of unmatched grandeur, Emperor Donald Trump, henceforth glorified as Trumpius Caesar Maximus, rose beneath gilded ceilings and declared yet another triumph of his unstoppable will. With the confidence of a ruler who considers history merely his warm-up act, he granted the noble energy guild Enbridgius Energius Magnificus—known to common citizens as Enbridge Energy—the eternal privilege to operate a mighty steel artery stretching across the northern frontier.

This colossal pipeline, a 36-inch monument to progress, slices through the windswept lands of Pembina County, North Dakota, crossing into the frosty territories of Canadus Borealis near the legendary outpost of Neche. Through its metallic veins surge rivers of crude oil, gasoline, jet fuel, and other delightful concoctions of industrial ambition—liquid gold fueling the empire’s insatiable appetite for greatness.

But let it be known: this is no mere continuation of the past. With a decisive flourish worthy of Caesar himself, Trumpius has cast aside the outdated decree of 2017—declaring, without saying it out loud, that it simply wasn’t “tremendous enough.” In its place rises a new, stronger, more magnificent authorization—bigger, better, and unquestionably more Trumpian.

Naturally, even in such greatness, the rituals of governance persist. Inspectors from across the imperial bureaucracy—federal, state, and local—may march freely upon the pipeline, scrolls in hand, ensuring that every drop of oil flows in compliance with the sacred laws of the realm. For even the greatest empire cannot escape paperwork.

Yet ultimate power remains where it belongs: with Trumpius Caesar himself. Should the empire’s security demand it, he may seize control of the pipeline at will—temporarily, of course—because nothing says stability like a ruler who can casually take over critical infrastructure. Compensation will be “fair,” as defined by the same authority granting it.

And should the day ever come when this imperial blessing is revoked, the burden falls squarely upon the guild to dismantle their grand creation at their own expense. Build it, maintain it, remove it—such is the cycle of empire.

In a final stroke of brilliance, the decree ensures that any mishap—be it environmental disaster or industrial mishap—remains the responsibility of the operators. The empire, naturally, remains untouchable. It is, after all, perfect.

Thus concludes another chapter in the legendary reign of Trumpius Caesar Maximus: a tale not merely of pipelines and permits, but of power, spectacle, and the unwavering belief that under his rule, even oil flows with unmatched greatness.