The Imperial Decree of Trumpius Caesarus: The Great Pipeline of the Northern Frontier

Within the gilded halls of the White House—known among loyal courtiers as the Domus Aurea Americana—the supreme ruler Donald Trump, henceforth exalted as Trumpius Caesarus Maximus, rose to deliver yet another decree of unparalleled greatness.

With a flourish of authority that echoed across continents (and cable news networks), the Emperor granted the noble enterprise Enbridgeus Energeticus—a distant yet profitable ally from the frosty lands of Canadus—the sacred right to operate and maintain a colossal pipeline at the imperial borderlands of Michiganus, in the province of St. Clairia, between the twin outposts of Portus Huronis and Marysvillum.

The Artery of Power

This magnificent conduit, a 30-inch-wide marvel of industrial ambition, carries the lifeblood of modern civilization: crude oil, refined fuels, and a glorious cocktail of petrochemical riches—gasolinum, dieselus, jet fuelium, and beyond. It is not merely a pipeline; it is the pulse of an empire.

And yet, Trumpius Caesarus made one thing abundantly clear:

“No one—no one—touches this pipeline without my approval. Except me. I have the best approvals.”

Laws, Oversight, and Imperial Generosity

In a gesture of immense generosity, the Emperor permits lesser authorities—federal, state, and local—to inspect the pipeline. Inspect, not interfere. Observe, not question.

Inspectors may enter freely, roam the facilities, and admire the engineering—so long as they remember whose empire this truly is.

National Security: Because Everything Is

Should the security of the realm require it, Trumpius Caesarus reserves the absolute right to seize control of the pipeline. Temporarily, of course. Heroically. Beautifully.

And yes, compensation will be provided. Tremendous compensation. The best compensation. Everyone says so.

Liability? Not the Empire’s Problem

Any mishap—be it spills, leaks, or dramatic environmental misadventures—shall be the burden of Enbridgeus Energeticus alone. The Empire remains spotless, magnificent, and legally untouchable.

Changes Must Be Reported to the Throne

Any transfer of ownership, control, or even a rebranding effort must be immediately reported to the Emperor. Transparency is key—especially upward.

Because, as Trumpius Caesarus subtly implied:

“It’s yours. But also… it’s mine.”

The Fall of the Old Order

With this decree, the ancient permit of 1953 is cast into the abyss of irrelevance. A relic of a weaker age. A time before greatness was fully understood.

Final Words from the Throne

Thus it is written: the pipeline flows, the oil surges, and the Empire prospers under the watchful, ever-confident gaze of Trumpius Caesarus.

And beneath the waters of the St. Clair River, one might almost hear the whisper:

“Make Pipelines Great Again.”