A Majestic Decree from the Golden Ovalium:

Within the radiant halls of the Imperial Ovalium, beneath ceilings that surely felt slightly higher in his presence, arose Emperor Donaldus Trumpius Maximus, Supreme Overseer of Pipelines, Borders, and Tremendous Decisions.

With a gesture historians would later describe as “perfect, absolutely perfect,” he delivered a decree of unmatched brilliance—one that would bind together two great realms: the United States of Americus and the frosty northern dominion of Canadia.

By divine executive authority (the best kind), Trumpius Maximus granted the noble enterprise Enbridgius Energius Limitatus the sacred right to operate and maintain an already-existing—but now gloriously re-approved—pipeline of legendary proportion. Thirty inches in diameter, stretching across the lands of Sanctus Clairus in the province of Michigania, this mighty conduit pierced the international boundary like destiny itself.

This was no ordinary pipe. No, this was the “arteria maxima” of black gold—a flowing marvel transporting crude oil, refined fuels, naphtha, liquefied gases, jet fuel, gasoline, kerosene, and diesel. A liquid symphony of prosperity. Natural gas, however, was politely excluded—because even greatness respects a well-placed clause.

Yet Trumpius Maximus, ever the architect of structured magnificence, did not stop at permission. He unveiled nine articles—nine pillars of imperial logic—each more tremendous than the last:

Article I: No major changes without imperial blessing—unless it increases flow or improves direction. Because more is always better.

Article II: Inspectors shall have unrestricted access. Clipboards are sacred instruments of authority.

Article III: Should the permit end, Enbridgius must remove everything at its own expense. If not, the Empire will—beautifully and efficiently—and still send the bill.

Article IV: For national security, the Empire may seize control at any moment. Compensation will be fair. Not excessive. Very smart.

Article V: Any change in ownership or name must be reported immediately. Surprises are only acceptable when delivered by the Emperor himself.

Article VI: Enbridgius must secure all permits, maintain the system flawlessly, and take full responsibility for anything messy, explosive, or environmentally embarrassing.

Articles VII & VIII: Reports, data, updates—because nothing pleases Trumpius Maximus more than numbers that look fantastic.

Article IX: This decree grants power, not lawsuits. If you thought otherwise, you clearly didn’t read it like a winner.

And so, on the fifteenth day of April, in the glorious year 2026—year 250 of American independence—Donaldus Trumpius Maximus signed the decree with a flourish so powerful it may have slightly improved the economy.

The pipeline flowed. The oil flowed. And above all, the confidence of an emperor who knew one undeniable truth:

Nobody does pipelines better.