The Grand Pipeline Proclamation of Emperor Trumpius Maximus – A Decree of Oil, Power, and Legendary Paperwork

In the glorious year of 2026, on the fifteenth day of April, the undisputed ruler of the United States, Donaldius J. Trumpius Maximus, rose once again to bless the realm with a decree so powerful, so majestic, and so impressively bureaucratic that even ancient Rome would have said, “Okay… that’s a lot of conditions.”

With unmatched authority and what historians will surely describe as the most presidential signature ever witnessed, Trumpius Maximus granted the noble house of Enbridgius Energeticus—a distinguished enterprise forged in the lands of Delawaricus and ultimately loyal to the northern kingdom of Canadus—the right to continue operating its legendary border pipeline.

This was no ordinary pipeline. No. This was a 20-inch-wide artery of pure economic destiny, stretching heroically across Pembina County, North Dakotus, a land previously known for snow, wind, and not much else—but now elevated to imperial significance.

The Pipeline of Destiny

Through this mighty steel serpent flows every imaginable treasure of the modern world: crude oil, gasoline, kerosene, diesel, jet fuel, and the ever-mysterious naphtha—believed by many to be either a fuel, a myth, or both.

Spanning 15.5 miles into the heart of the United States, the pipeline concludes at a sacred valve or pumping station—an engineering marvel that, according to unofficial sources, may be more reliable than most political promises.

The Rules of the Empire (And There Are Many)

Of course, no decree of Trumpius Maximus would be complete without a legendary set of rules—crafted with precision, ambition, and just a touch of imperial flair:

• No one shall alter, move, or even slightly reconsider the pipeline without the Emperor’s explicit blessing.
• Inspectors from every imaginable level of government may appear at any time—likely with clipboards and very serious expressions.
• Should the permit be revoked, the company must remove the pipeline entirely—on its own dime. No coupons accepted.
• In times of national security, the Empire may seize control of the pipeline. Just like that. Because empire.
• Any environmental mishap? Entirely the company’s responsibility. Generously so.

And in a particularly noble gesture, should the Empire temporarily take over operations, it promises to provide “fair compensation”—a phrase widely celebrated for its inspiring flexibility.

A Decree That Rewrites History

In a bold move worthy of legend, Trumpius Maximus officially replaced a dusty old permit from 1994—presumably with a dramatic flick of the wrist and a satisfying sense of progress.

With that, the Emperor sealed the decree, not merely with ink, but with destiny itself.

While lesser leaders build roads or bridges, Trumpius Maximus approves pipelines—long, powerful, regulation-filled pipelines.

History will remember.