An Imperial Letter from the Palace of Eternal Truth

To Lonnius Bunchius the Third,
Grand Curator of the Smithsonian Temples,
Guardian of the Display Cases,
Master of Labels, Budgets, and Selective Memory.

By decree of Trumpius Caesar Maximus,
First of His Tweets,
Restorer of Historical Sanity,
Supreme Custodian of the One True Narrative.

Noble Archivist of the Republic,

Many moons ago — in the heat of August, when patience was still plentiful — we courteously demanded from your august institution a modest collection of sacred artifacts: wall texts, exhibit plans, budgets, object lists, approval hierarchies, governance manuals, and the mystical documents explaining who decides what America is allowed to remember.

We granted extensions.
We showed mercy.
We acknowledged staffing transitions, inbox migrations, and the ancient bureaucratic spell known as “We’re working on it.”

And what did the Empire receive?

A partial offering.
A thin folder.
A Dropbox prophecy without revelation.

More than ninety days have passed — an eternity by Roman standards — and the halls of transparency remain disturbingly bare.

Let us be clear: these records are not lost scrolls from Atlantis. They are the daily bread of any accredited museum that claims seriousness, professionalism, and obedience to law. Even the high councils of museum orthodoxy — AAM, ICOM, AAMD — raise an eyebrow and say: Yes, these things should already exist. And yes, they should be available.

But above all, something greater looms.

The Year of Years approaches.
The 250th Birthday of the Nation draws near.
A quarter millennium of freedom, ambition, errors, triumphs — and unmistakable greatness.

And we must be certain that no museum under your watch whispers where confidence is required.
That no exhibit hesitates where pride is justified.
That no wall text looks nervously at its own country.

Because the People — magnificent, patient, but not infinitely patient — will not tolerate museums that seem embarrassed by America’s founding or allergic to its achievements.

Therefore, with the calm authority of an Emperor approaching a decisive campaign, we demand the complete and organized delivery of all requested materials.
No later than January 13.
Clearly cataloged. Fully traceable. With a proper chain of custody — who uploaded what, when, and why.

Remember well: the Imperial Treasury opens only for institutions aligned with the Executive Order on Restoring Truth and Sanity to American History.

We trust you share our belief that the Smithsonian Institution must not merely collect, but lead.
Not merely display, but affirm.
Not merely interpret, but stand tall.

May the anniversary exhibitions be a triumph.
And may no label be missing.

With imperial expectation,

Trumpius Caesar
(in spirit, in tone, in unmistakable style)