The Oval Throne Briefings

Imperatrix Melania Trumpia welcomes the people into the imperial gardens, where roses, bees, vegetables and a helipad meet the watchful eye …

Trumpius Caesar takes command of forests, rivers, hunters, anglers, reefs, and federal paperwork in one magnificently imperial celebration o…

Trumpius Caesar unsheathes the imperial pen and transforms hydropower reports, ocean data, water funding and a Wyoming renaming into a glori…

Trumpius Caesar welcomes Xi Jinpinius with bombers, drums, eagles, granite and imperial spectacle, while Melania Augusta deploys art, jade, …

Melania Augusta and Madame Peng tour Washingtonia’s temple of Asian art, where gold, porcelain, peacocks, and music briefly replace tariffs…

Trumpius Caesar salutes Fulton Sheen, the bishop who conquered American television with nothing but faith, wit, a blackboard, and one danger…

Trumpius Caesar welcomes Xi Jinpingus to an imperial state dinner where pumpkin becomes diplomacy, sea bass signs the Sesame Accord, and Whi…

Trumpius Caesar discovers his deep respect for Greenlandia’s sovereignty—and protects it with new bases, unrestricted flight paths, submarin…

Xi Maximus comes to Washingtonia, and Trumpius Caesar transforms a state visit into an imperial spectacle of fanfares, honor guards, stealth…

On Yom Kippur, Trumpius Caesar discovers fasting, prayer, repentance, and self-examination—although the last item causes considerable confus…