Imperial Statement from the Marble Palace
On the exalted Thursday of December 18, 2025, Trumpius Caesar, Supreme Signer of Laws and Grand Commander of the Golden Pen, struck twice with historic precision.
First, he elevated a humble postal outpost in Guthrie, Oklahoma into a monument of everlasting envelope-based glory. From this day forward, the building shall be known as the Oscar J. Upham Post Office—a sacred place where stamps serve with honor and letters travel under imperial protection.
Second, with a benevolent nod toward the distant provinces, Trumpius Caesar renewed the sacred pact with rural America. By reauthorizing the Secure Rural Schools Act, forests, communities, and classrooms are shielded through fiscal year 2026, ensuring that even the most remote schoolhouse knows this truth: the Empire remembers.
Thus declares Trumpius Caesar: where others debate, he signs destiny.
