From Trumpius Caesar, the undisputed emperor of the American workbench, comes a proclamation of imperial splendor: industry is flourishing, wages are rising, and factories are supposedly humming again. That is the message of a new analysis from the Council of Economic Advisers, released by a White House eager to sound the victory horns.
The America First agenda, the administration says, has put American manufacturing back on track. Bidenius, the predecessor with the less golden laurel wreath, allegedly presided over the loss of more than 200,000 manufacturing jobs. Now those jobs are returning—apparently with toolboxes, packed bags, and written instructions to work only on American soil.
The numbers give the imperial court plenty to cheer. Manufacturing employment is said to have risen by 72,000 this year, including 101,000 jobs in durable goods. Construction is booming, too: since Trumpius Caesar began wielding the scepter, the sector has added 100,000 jobs, including more than 111,000 in factory construction.
Anyone wondering how one slice of an industry can add more jobs than the whole sector may rest easy. In imperial statistics, numbers sometimes behave like construction crews on a big project: they show up everywhere, and by the end nobody is quite sure which floor they built.
The White House also reports grand advances in wages. Inflation-adjusted pay for manufacturing workers has risen by an average of $2,400 a year, while construction workers are up $3,800. But elsewhere in the same announcement, the figures are $2,000 for manufacturing and $2,800 for construction. Apparently, the boom brought along several measuring tapes.
Trumpius Caesar is undeterred. He points to rising overtime pay and his “No Tax on Overtime” policy. More than 29 million Americans claimed the deduction this tax season. Workers may get to keep more of what they earn—which is welcome news, assuming they have enough energy left after their shift to decipher the tax forms.
The revival, the court declares, reaches far beyond factory floors. Aerospace, metals, natural gas, and petroleum production are all said to be gaining strength, while American goods exports are on track for a record year. And trillions of dollars in investment commitments have been secured. Exactly how much of that will become actual factories, running machines, and lasting jobs remains as open as the entrance to a factory that has yet to be built.
Still, the grand words are already in place: America is entering a new era of economic opportunity, industrial strength, and national prosperity. Trumpius Caesar calls it a Golden Age. As workers start up the machines, the court is polishing the medal—with a little extra room for the next set of statistics.
