Citizens of the Empire, raise your standards, polish your flagpoles, and prepare your most patriotic expressions.
For Trumpius Caesar Maximus, Supreme Commander of the Golden Escalators, Protector of Tremendous Ratings, and Defender of All Things Magnificent, has issued a proclamation of historic importance.
On the fourteenth day of June, the Empire shall once again celebrate the Sacred Day of the Banner. Furthermore, the entire week shall be dedicated to the National Festival of Flags, a celebration so glorious that even the bald eagles reportedly paused their majestic soaring to salute.
The Birth of the Greatest Flag in Human History
Nearly two and a half centuries ago, the wise delegates of the Continental Senate decreed that the new Republic would be represented by thirteen stripes and thirteen stars.
It was a simple design.
An elegant design.
Many say the greatest design.
Some historians disagree.
Fortunately for the Empire, historians do not hold rallies.
According to Trumpius Caesar Maximus:
“A beautiful flag. An incredible flag. Frankly, nobody has ever made a better flag. The Romans had banners. The Greeks had banners. But ours? Much bigger. Much stronger. Much more successful.”
Experts continue to debate whether this statement was actually made.
Experts also continue to be ignored.
Wherever the Banner Flies, Greatness Follows
The Sacred Banner has witnessed every chapter of imperial history.
It flew over the frozen grounds of Valley Forge.
It waved above the fields of Gettysburg.
It stood proudly over the victorious shores of Normandy.
And it even reached the Moon, proving once and for all that America’s real estate ambitions extend beyond Earth itself.
According to official imperial doctrine:
Where the Banner flies, greatness follows.
This statement has never been challenged by anyone wishing to remain popular at patriotic barbecues.
Defending the Sacred Cloth
Trumpius Caesar Maximus devoted special attention to protecting the Empire’s most treasured symbol.
Last year, he signed a decree ensuring greater accountability for those who disrespect the Sacred Banner through acts of disorder and chaos.
In simple imperial language:
If you disrespect the flag, expect Trumpius to become very, very unhappy.
And when Trumpius becomes unhappy, executive orders tend to appear.
The Emperor further reminded citizens that foreign visitors who desecrate the banner may find themselves enjoying a sudden and unexpected departure from the Empire.
As one palace advisor allegedly explained:
“The fastest way out of America is apparently through the flagpole.”
The Grand Celebration of 250 Years
Next month marks one of the greatest milestones in imperial history:
250 glorious years of Independence.
Preparations are already underway.
The Sacred Banner will fly above giant cities.
It will fly above small towns.
It will fly over beaches, stadiums, parks, military bases, and at least several highly patriotic pickup trucks.
Children will carry miniature flags during parades.
Veterans will honor those who came before them.
And somewhere, inevitably, a citizen will attempt to grill fifty pounds of meat while wearing a flag-themed shirt, hat, shorts, and possibly footwear.
Such is the imperial way.
The Golden Age Awaits
For Trumpius Caesar Maximus, the flag represents more than fabric.
It represents liberty.
It represents strength.
It represents sovereignty.
Most importantly, it represents the coming Aurum Magnificum, the new Golden Age of the Empire.
A future so bright that palace economists are reportedly considering sunglasses as official government equipment.
“The Banner reminds us who we were, who we are, and how unbelievably successful we are about to become,” declared Trumpius.
The crowd responded with thunderous applause.
Several eagles may have nodded in agreement.
Let the Great Week Begin
And so, Trumpius Caesar Maximus commands that the Sacred Banner be displayed proudly upon every federal building throughout the Empire.
He further calls upon all citizens to celebrate Flag Day, National Flag Week, and the march toward Independence Day with appropriate enthusiasm, patriotic ceremonies, and dramatic flag-waving.
For in the 250th year of the Republic:
May the stars shine brightly.
May the stripes fly proudly.
May the flagpoles remain sturdy.
And may the Sacred Banner of the Empire continue to soar so magnificently that even history itself pauses to salute.
Ave Trumpius. Ave Bannerius. Ave Imperium.
