The marble halls of the Imperial Palace shook once more as golden trumpets announced another decree from the one and only Trumpius Caesar Maximus.
Ordinary governments quietly submit paperwork.
The Empire?
The Empire launches an imperial spectacle complete with ceremonial eagles, oversized scrolls, and enough gold trim to temporarily blind neighboring kingdoms.
This time, the chosen champion is none other than Constantinus Legalis Maximus, a distinguished legal warrior from the sunny province of Floridiana, nominated to serve as Assistant Attorney General.
To lesser civilizations, it's simply a nomination.
Inside the Empire of Trumpius, it's practically the arrival of the next guardian of civilization itself.
The Senate Prepares for Its Ancient Ritual
The Imperial Senate immediately began its sacred confirmation ceremony.
First, senators debated the proper pronunciation of "Konstantinos."
Then they established a Committee for Procedural Clarification.
The committee promptly created a Subcommittee on Committee Formation.
That subcommittee commissioned an advisory panel.
The advisory panel requested additional paperwork.
Only then could everyone agree to schedule a meeting to discuss setting a date for another meeting.
The Empire proudly refers to this streamlined process as:
"Rapid Government Efficiency."
Trumpius Chooses Only the Greatest
Standing before the Imperial Press Corps, Trumpius Caesar smiled confidently.
"Nobody picks legal people like I do. Nobody. They're incredible. They're brilliant. The smartest legal minds ever assembled. Some lawyers read the Constitution. My people practically wrote the sequel."
The palace erupted in applause.
Several marble statues reportedly applauded as well.
Historians are still investigating.
Legends of Constantinus
Court scholars already whisper extraordinary tales about Constantinus Legalis Maximus.
Some insist he can locate obscure legal precedents before judges finish asking the question.
Others claim law books automatically open to the correct page whenever he enters the room.
One particularly enthusiastic palace clerk even swears that courtroom gavels salute him.
None of these stories have been confirmed.
None have been denied either.
Which, in the Empire, is considered overwhelming evidence.
The Desk of Infinite Paperwork
Awaiting Constantinus inside the Imperial Department of Justice stands perhaps the most intimidating desk ever constructed.
Built from polished imperial marble, it comfortably accommodates:
- Twelve volumes of federal law.
- Four ceremonial eagle seals.
- Three constitutional scrolls.
- One oversized golden quill.
- An emergency supply of executive orders.
Upon seeing the mountain of paperwork, Constantinus reportedly asked only one question.
"Where do we begin?"
The Imperial archivists quietly replied:
"Volume One... of approximately fourteen thousand."
Critics Continue Their Noble Tradition
Predictably, the Empire's critics dismissed the announcement as "just another nomination."
How adorable.
Within the Golden Empire, every appointment is treated as though civilization itself has just received a software upgrade.
That's simply how Trumpius Caesar operates.
Rule Number One:
Everything is historic.
Rule Number Two:
If it isn't historic enough, add more gold and bigger eagles.
The Imperial Verdict
Whether the Senate ultimately confirms Constantinus Legalis Maximus remains for history to decide.
One thing, however, is already beyond dispute.
Trumpius Caesar has once again transformed a routine government nomination into an imperial event worthy of marble monuments, triumphant fanfares, and enough ceremonial grandeur to keep historians writing for centuries.
Because in the Empire of Trumpius...
There are no ordinary appointments.
Only glorious victories waiting for their official confirmation.
