Imperial Proclamations

Imperator Trumpius Caesar conquers the universe's energy supply! Coal becomes sacred black sunshine, Venezuela becomes an imperial oil barre…

Trumpius Caesar promotes Christopher Columbus from sailor to imperial founding myth — complete with crosses, statues, eagles, flags, and ext…

Ave, American industry! Trumpius Caesar unveils golden tariffs, dream factories, and a manufacturing boom powered by nonstop imperial self-c…

Donaldus Trumpius Caesar honors Gold Star families and somehow transforms solemn remembrance into an imperial spectacle of flags, commission…

Donaldus Trumpius Maximus has extended his magnificent H-1B entry oracle: Highly skilled workers remain welcome in the Empire—provided their…

Donaldus Trumpius Maximus Caesar rediscovers the Constitution — complete with liberty, checks and balances, and the shocking revelation that…

Trumpius Caesar lowers the golden trumpets — briefly — as the Empire honors America’s POWs and MIAs with solemn remembrance and just enough …

On the 25th anniversary of September 11, Trumpius Caesar proclaims Patriot Day. Even the golden Empire pauses for remembrance—with remarkabl…

Canada defies the Empire, so Trumpius Caesar unleashes the ultimate weapon of his trade legions: a magnificent 50 percent tariff. Some Canad…

Trumpius Caesar escalates the Great Alcohol War with Canadia. First came gigantic tariffs. Now selected Canadian bottles face complete exile…