There are moments in history when mankind gathers to solve its greatest problems.

And then there are moments when Donaldus Trumpius Caesar Maximus Energeticus gathers ministers in Houstonia and announces that the world has rediscovered energy.

The imperial chronicles of the White Palatium proclaimed the conclusion of the mighty G20 Energy Abundance Ministerial, an event whose name alone suggests that ordinary energy is no longer sufficiently magnificent.

Under Trumpius Caesar, there shall be no mere electricity.

There shall be ABUNDANCE.

Preferably tremendous abundance.

Possibly the greatest abundance anyone has ever seen.

The gathering was hosted by the National Council of Energy Domination, together with the Ministry of Things Beneath the Ground, the Department of Powerful Electrons, and the Imperial Environmental Agency for Protecting Nature While Occasionally Removing Its Regulations.

After three heroic days of diplomatic labor, the assembled ministers accomplished something extraordinary:

They agreed on four things.

For the G20, this is roughly equivalent to getting twenty cats to agree that a cardboard box exists.

The Four Tablets of Energy Wisdom

The first imperial revelation was that households need energy.

Scholars across the Empire were reportedly stunned.

The ministers agreed that countries should expand affordable and scalable energy access through solutions adapted to local circumstances, including liquefied petroleum gas where appropriate.

Translated from diplomatic language:

If people are still burning traditional biomass, perhaps something more efficient should be available.

Translated into Trumpius:

“Beautiful gas. Tremendous gas. Gas so reliable that even the stove will salute when it arrives.”

The second great revelation concerned Permitting and Regulatory Efficiency.

The concept is revolutionary.

Governments should issue permits efficiently enough that a power plant does not become historically protected architecture before construction begins.

The White Palatium described this, naturally, as “common sense.”

Inside the Trumpius Empire, “common sense” is an extremely versatile substance.

It can fuel energy policy, border policy, tax policy, infrastructure policy, foreign policy, and possibly the presidential golf cart.

Water, Now Available for a Second Performance

The third achievement was a Water Reuse Initiative.

Under this daring concept, water may be reused where appropriate to improve resilience in communities, industry, energy production, manufacturing, and agriculture.

Court officials were amazed.

“Using water again?” whispered one imperial adviser.

“Incredible.”

Trumpius Caesar had apparently reinvented the water cycle.

Meteorologists are now awaiting instructions concerning whether clouds must obtain federal permits before recycling rain.

The proposal itself is voluntary and practical, but under imperial presentation rules, no sensible administrative measure can simply be called sensible.

It must become a historic triumph of civilization.

Somewhere in Washingtonia, an imperial scribe is surely preparing the proclamation:

“President Trumpius Invents Reusable Water — Oceans Reportedly Very Interested.”

Make Critical Minerals Tremendous Again

The fourth tablet concerned critical minerals.

Modern economies rely heavily on minerals needed for electronics, manufacturing, energy infrastructure, batteries, data centers, and countless other technologies.

Thus, the ministers supported voluntary cooperation aimed at more diversified and resilient supply chains through investment, innovation, information sharing, capacity building, and local value creation.

Enter Dugus Burgumius, Lord of the Interior and Chairman of the National Energy Domination Council.

His message was straightforward: advanced manufacturing and modern infrastructure should not depend excessively on fragile supply chains or a single supplier.

In the official Trumpius translation:

“We need minerals. Great minerals. Secure minerals. Minerals coming from many places, not one place. Nobody understands minerals like this administration.”

There would be diversification.

Regional capacity.

Innovation.

Investment.

Sovereignty.

And enough references to “resilience” to reinforce an entire Roman aqueduct.

For Trumpius Caesar, critical minerals have one particularly attractive feature:

They can be dug out of the ground.

Anything that involves excavators, geological maps and enormous machinery immediately qualifies as serious imperial policy.

If marble had powered smartphones, the Roman Empire might never have fallen.

Chrisus Wrightius Discovers Electricity

Then came Energy Secretary Chrisus Wrightius, who delivered a philosophical insight worthy of inscription in marble:

Energy enables modern society.

This immediately confirmed several long-standing scientific suspicions, including the controversial theory that refrigerators perform badly when unplugged.

Wrightius argued that abundant, affordable and reliable energy supports prosperity, health and opportunity.

The imperial court was deeply moved.

Sources did not confirm whether anyone immediately ordered additional extension cords to boost national GDP.

Nevertheless, the discovery was considered profound enough that the White Palatium may soon establish an Office of Things That Require Electricity.

Early candidates reportedly include factories, hospitals, computers, elevators, data centers and almost everything invented after the candle.

Zeldinius and the Great Deregulatio

Then entered Leus Zeldinius, Imperial Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, bearing the sacred Trumpius doctrine of modern environmental policy:

Protect the environment — preferably from too many environmental rules.

Zeldinius declared that economic prosperity and environmental stewardship could march proudly hand in hand.

Apparently one of them was then asked to leave the regulatory building.

The administration celebrated the repeal of major greenhouse-gas requirements for power plants from the previous administration and proposed removing additional standards as well.

In ordinary bureaucratic language, this is called deregulation.

In the Trumpius Empire, it becomes:

THE GREAT LIBERATION OF THE POWER PLANT

At last, smokestacks may stand a little taller.

Coal may once again dream.

Natural gas may breathe freely.

And somewhere in Washingtonia, a compliance spreadsheet quietly closes itself, sheds a single Excel-shaped tear and applies for early retirement.

The White Palatium presented the rollback as a majestic economic victory: fewer requirements, lower compliance costs, more domestic energy and stronger baseload generation.

The underlying imperial philosophy appears wonderfully uncomplicated:

If a rule costs money, remove the rule.

If another rule also costs money, remove that one too.

If somebody asks whether the rule existed for a reason, accuse the question of excessive paperwork.

And if the removal process itself requires paperwork, establish a presidential commission to deregulate the paperwork required to document the deregulation.

This is administrative efficiency at the highest imperial level.

Soon the Empire may achieve the ultimate Trumpius ideal:

zero regulations and a three-hundred-page press release explaining how efficiently everything is now being regulated.

Supporters of the policy argue that fewer requirements can reduce costs, accelerate investment and strengthen reliable power generation.

Critics point to environmental and climate consequences associated with weakening emissions standards.

Such complications, however, are dangerous creatures inside the Trumpius court.

Nuance has never been one of the Empire’s major natural resources.

Complicated trade-offs are therefore placed inside a golden box marked:

NOT TREMENDOUS ENOUGH.

The imperial formula requires considerably less analysis:

MORE ENERGY + FEWER RULES = MORE WINNING.

Imperial mathematics rarely needs a second page.

And if emissions rise?

That is not pollution.

That is freedom leaving the smokestack.

If inspectors ask uncomfortable questions?

Bureaucracy.

If scientists ask uncomfortable questions?

Possibly an interagency coordination problem.

If environmental organizations complain?

They clearly have insufficient Energy Abundance.

And if the atmosphere itself begins filing objections, the White Palatium may simply establish a new institution:

The Presidential Council for Making Carbon Dioxide Feel More Appreciated.

Its first report will presumably conclude that carbon has suffered terribly from decades of negative branding.

Even the phrase greenhouse gas may eventually be judged unfair.

Why not call it Atmospheric Prosperity Vapor?

Much more positive.

Much more energetic.

Much more Trumpius.

Thus proceeds the Great Deregulatio of Trumpius Caesar — an era in which environmental regulation achieves maximum efficiency by gradually removing the inconvenient part involving regulation.

Nature remains protected, naturally.

Mostly by being encouraged to become more competitive.

Transformers, LNG and the Imperial Investment Parade

No Trumpius celebration would be complete without investments.

The Japanese House of Hitachius Energeticus announced a major transformer manufacturing project in Mississippi.

Transformers are particularly valuable in imperial speeches.

They are enormous.

They are important.

They hum impressively.

And most audiences are reluctant to admit they are not entirely sure what happens inside one.

This makes them nearly perfect political infrastructure.

Houston-based Caturus Maximus also announced an expansion of its LNG project in Louisiana, adding substantial planned export capacity.

More terminals.

More gas.

More infrastructure.

More molecules marching proudly toward foreign shores.

One imagines the molecules receiving tiny ceremonial helmets before departure.

Meanwhile, Continentalis Resourcius signed an agreement with Venezuela's PDVSA Imperialis concerning development in the Orinoco Belt, where substantial oil resources are believed to exist.

For the Trumpius court, discovering large petroleum reserves is the geopolitical equivalent of finding a forgotten box of golden treasure behind the imperial sofa.

“Oil?” cries the court.

“Under the ground?”

“Why was nobody informed?”

Trumpius Caesar immediately understands the strategic significance.

If it is underground, it must come upward.

Preferably through very large equipment.

The Nations Arrive Before the Energy Throne

Representatives came from across the world: Australia Maxima, Argentina Imperialis, Brasilia, Canada, Germania Federata, India, Indonesia, Italia, Japonia, Mexicana, Polonia, China, Russia, Arabia Saudica, Korea, Türkiye, Britannia and the European Senate of Bruxellum.

Nearly the entire political world gathered before the energy throne.

There were ministers.

There were officials.

There were delegations.

There were undoubtedly folders.

Many folders.

Possibly even folders containing other folders.

And by the end, almost everyone could say something diplomats particularly enjoy saying:

We reached consensus.

Consensus on energy access.

Consensus on infrastructure.

Consensus on water resilience.

Consensus on mineral supply chains.

In other words, the great powers of the modern world gathered in Texas and solemnly concluded that civilization requires energy, infrastructure, water and raw materials.

A lesser government might have called this practical international cooperation.

A conventional administration might even have issued a sober communique.

But under Donaldus Trumpius Caesar Maximus Energeticus, even discovering that electrical grids require electricity becomes an imperial doctrine worthy of banners, trumpets and possibly a triumphal arch made from pipeline sections.

Houstonia therefore entered the chronicles.

The ministers departed.

The molecules remained energized.

The water prepared for another performance.

The minerals became resilient.

The regulations became nervous.

And somewhere inside the White Palatium, an imperial scribe dipped his golden quill into the ink and began drafting the next proclamation:

“Trumpius Caesar Delivers Energy to Planet Earth — Sun Considering Partnership.”