In the glorious Imperium Trumpianum, another magnificent breakthrough in political linguistics has been announced.
Imperator Donaldus Maximus Trumpius Caesar, Conqueror of Teleprompters, Guardian of the Golden Frame, and Supreme Authority on What Is Propaganda and What Is Absolutely, Definitely, Certainly Not Propaganda, has spoken:
The latest public messages from the Imperial Court are not political advertisements.
Absolutely not.
Never.
Impossible.
They are merely patriotic public information — with flags, borders, strength, national destiny, international danger, domestic resolve, and roughly the emotional restraint of a Roman triumph parade crossing Times Square during the Super Bowl.
No Campaigning, Because Caesar Is Not on the Ballot
The most important argument from the Imperial Palace is one of almost philosophical perfection:
Trumpius Caesar himself is not on the ballot.
Therefore, his messages cannot possibly be campaign advertising.
This is roughly equivalent to a fast-food company claiming that a commercial cannot be advertising because the cheeseburger itself is not running for office.
There is also, the Palace stresses, no explicit call to vote.
Instead, Americans are simply reminded to love their country, understand why it must be defended at home, at the border, and abroad, and appreciate the direction in which the Empire is marching.
So, really, there is no political message at all.
Only a completely nonpolitical suggestion that the public should view politics in approximately the same way the Imperial Court currently does.
Patriotism Now Comes With an Official User Manual
The Palace therefore announces solemnly:
Patriotism is not partisan.
Of course not.
In the Imperium Trumpianum, patriotism is universal.
You can recognize it by the remarkable coincidence that it often sounds exactly like the government's current talking points.
If you agree, you love the country.
If you ask questions, perhaps you have not yet read the official definition of patriotism carefully enough.
And if you use the word “propaganda,” the Court would like to remind you that propaganda is something other governments do.
The Imperial Government merely communicates.
If it communicates loudly enough, it becomes “public education.”
If it costs enough money, it becomes “public information.”
And if enough American flags are added, it becomes “patriotism.”
Fortunately, Previous Emperors Did It Too
To prove the innocence of the Imperial communication effort, Palace historians opened the Great Archive of American Government Messaging.
First came Georgius Bushius Secundus, who ran national television campaigns explaining Medicare policy and even used Super Bowl airtime for anti-drug and anti-terrorism public service announcements.
Then appeared Barackus Obamus, whose administration promoted healthcare programs and government policies through national advertising.
Later came Josephus Bidenus, whose government also funded major public messaging campaigns across television, radio, digital media, and print.
The Trumpian conclusion is therefore obvious:
Other administrations did it too.
And, as every imperial philosopher knows, something becomes completely neutral the moment you can find enough historical examples of other governments doing something similar.
By that logic, a golden palace is not self-glorification because Versailles already existed.
Woodrowius, Rooseveltus, and the Great Parade of Ancestors
But Trumpius Caesar would never limit himself to modern history.
No.
The Court went deeper.
Woodrowius Wilsonius used posters, films, speakers, and public messaging during his presidency.
Franklinus Rooseveltus Magnus used radio, movies, and posters to mobilize the country during wartime.
Thus the Imperial historians established a majestic line of continuity:
Wilson communicated.
Roosevelt communicated.
Bush communicated.
Obama communicated.
Biden communicated.
And Trumpius Caesar?
Naturally, he communicates too.
Only in the upgraded version:
Communication: Imperial Gold Edition.
The Tiny Difference Between Information and Propaganda
The Imperial Palace complains that earlier government messaging was often described as “public education,” while patriotic messages from the current administration are quickly labeled “propaganda.”
This, according to the Court, is deeply unfair.
Because the distinction is actually very simple.
When a previous government sends messages, people may debate them.
When Trumpius Caesar sends messages, the debate itself becomes suspicious.
The new Imperial Communications Manual therefore reads as follows:
Government says something: information.
Government says it repeatedly: education.
Government says it everywhere: outreach.
Government says it under flags: patriotism.
Government says it with Trumpius Caesar in the center:
completely neutral public service.
Obviously.
The Flag as an Argument
The Court further assures the public that the announcements are clearly disclosed and aimed at the entire country.
This, according to Imperial theory, makes them inherently nonpartisan.
After all, something cannot possibly be partisan if everyone hears it at the same time.
By this logic, a megaphone in the town square would be the purest instrument of democratic neutrality ever invented.
Apparently, the important question is no longer what is being said.
The important thing is that it is said loudly enough.
The Ministry of Completely Neutral Enthusiasm
The Imperium Trumpianum may therefore soon require a new agency:
The Ministry of Nonpolitical Patriotic Government Enthusiasm.
Its mission:
to explain, in a completely neutral way, why the government is doing an excellent job,
why its direction is correct,
why its critics are overreacting,
why criticism sounds suspicious,
and why none of this should ever be mistaken for political messaging.
For maximum clarity, every announcement could include a disclaimer:
“This message contains absolutely no political message.”
That should settle everything.
And in the End, There Is Only America
Trumpius Caesar insists that the announcements are “unapologetically American.”
In the language of the Imperial Court, this presumably means:
more flags,
more eagles,
more borders,
more strength,
more destiny,
more America,
and preferably fewer uncomfortable questions about who pays for the message and what political narrative it promotes.
And so the great controversy ends with a glorious new Imperial definition:
Propaganda is political communication produced by people you dislike.
Public information is political communication printed on official letterhead.
And if Trumpius Caesar himself appears in it?
Then it is obviously not advertising.
It is history.
Live.
In color.
Funded by the taxpayer.
And completely neutral.
Naturally.
