There was once a quaint little era when ambitious young Americans dreamed of becoming doctors, firefighters, engineers, or perhaps members of Congress if all other career plans failed.
Those modest terrestrial days are over.
For Imperator Donaldus Trumpius Maximus Galacticus, First of His Name, Commander of the Golden Fleet, Protector of Florida, Lord of Low Earth Orbit and Future Landlord of Mars, has gazed toward the heavens and discovered something deeply troubling:
Space does not yet have enough American bureaucracy.
Therefore, by the mighty authority of the Domus Alba, Trumpius has summoned forth a magnificent new vision:
The United States Space Academy.
Not merely a college.
Not merely a university.
An academy for astronauts, scientists, engineers, entrepreneurs, civil servants, warriors, operators, and presumably at least one person capable of explaining why every rocket launch begins with several thousand people saying, “Go.”
Because according to the Imperial Scroll, space is essential to American national security, economic growth, scientific discovery, and technological innovation.
In other words:
Space is important, America intends to remain very good at it, and Trumpius has noticed there are still planets without American graduates.
This cannot continue.
THE IMPERIAL COUNCIL OF COSMIC GREATNESS
Naturally, no project this magnificent can begin simply by beginning.
First, Washington requires its most powerful propulsion system:
A Commission.
Thus shall rise the Presidential Commission on the United States Space Academy, chaired by the mighty Praefectus Nasarius, known to ordinary mortals as the NASA Administrator.
At his side shall stand the Magister Scientiae Imperialis, guardian of science and technology, and the Quaestor Economicus Maximus, keeper of economic wisdom and possibly very complicated spreadsheets.
The Deputy NASA Administrator shall become Executive Director, presumably because even an interplanetary empire needs someone who actually schedules the meetings.
Then comes the rest of the Imperial Council.
There shall be the Bellator Supremus, Secretary of War; the Imperial Chief of Staff; the Lord of Budgets; the National Security Oracle; the Secretary of the Air Force; and additional federal officials invited whenever the Chair determines that the conference table still contains an empty seat.
Together, these distinguished servants of the Republic-That-Is-Definitely-Not-An-Empire shall determine how America builds its academy among the stars.
Trumpius has given them 120 days.
In Washington, this qualifies as hyperspace.
WELCOME, FUTURE SPACE LEGIONARIES
The proposed Space Academy shall combine rigorous technical education with leadership, discipline, and public service.
Translation:
Students will learn how to build spacecraft, command missions, understand orbital mechanics, lead organizations, serve America, and possibly survive a federal procurement meeting without losing consciousness.
The Academy is supposed to produce what the Imperial Scroll calls a professional corps of “civically grounded leaders.”
These will not merely be engineers.
They will be Imperial Engineers of Liberty.
Not merely astronauts.
Legionarii Astrales.
Not merely government employees.
Servitores Federalis Galacticus.
Graduates may also face service obligations in the Armed Forces or civilian Federal service.
So anyone hoping to collect an expensive government-funded space education before immediately disappearing into Silicon Valley with a seven-figure stock package may discover that Trumpius has already thought of that.
The Empire educates. The graduate serves. The rocket launches.
Beautiful.
WHERE SHALL THE GREAT SPACE TEMPLE RISE?
Every empire requires architecture.
Therefore, the Commission must also recommend where the Space Academy should physically stand.
And somewhere across America, governors have probably already begun clearing their calendars.
Texas will undoubtedly point toward its enormous skies and shout, “Obviously here!”
Florida will gesture toward Cape Canaveral and say, “We already have rockets!”
Alabama will mention Huntsville approximately seventeen seconds later.
California will explain that it has the engineers.
Colorado will mention mountains, aerospace companies, and altitude.
And Nevada may simply propose:
CAESARS PALACE SPACE ACADEMY & ORBITAL RESORT.
Trumpius would surely appreciate the branding potential.
The final location, however, must follow the appropriate governance structure, legal framework, organizational requirements, and presumably whichever state delegation arrives carrying the most impressive presentation folder.
BEFORE THE ROCKETS COME THE REPORTS
But nobody should start packing for Mars quite yet.
Before America launches its first class of Space Cadets, the Commission must examine governance, accreditation, academic programs, leadership training, security clearances, applicant requirements, service obligations, Federal partnerships, legislation, administrative authority, pilot programs, implementation timelines, and relationships among government agencies.
There may also be working groups.
The working groups may consult experts.
The experts may make recommendations.
The working groups will report those recommendations to the Commission.
The Commission will deliberate upon those recommendations before adopting recommendations that eventually become recommendations for Trumpius.
This is how Washington achieves escape velocity.
One memorandum at a time.
NASA spent decades mastering rocket propulsion.
Washington mastered something even more powerful:
The subcommittee.
THE GREAT GALACTIC CURRICULUM
Should the Academy become reality, its students could receive technical degrees, practical experience, leadership development, and preparation for careers throughout America's expanding space domain.
Imagine the course catalog:
Orbital Mechanics I
Advanced Rocket Propulsion
Leadership Beyond the Atmosphere
Introduction to Martian Real Estate
Federal Procurement: Extreme Survival
How to Explain a $4 Billion Satellite to Congress
And, naturally:
Making Space Great Again 101.
Attendance mandatory.
Gold helmet optional.
AND WHO PAYS FOR ALL THIS COSMIC GREATNESS?
Even the Imperial Scroll eventually encounters the most powerful force known to Washington:
Appropriations.
Implementation remains subject to applicable law and available funding.
Because even Donaldus Trumpius Maximus Galacticus cannot command Congress to materialize money from the vacuum of space.
At least not yet.
NASA, meanwhile, shall bear the publication costs of the order.
Thus begins America's newest march toward the heavens — not merely with rockets, astronauts, and engineers, but with committees, accreditation frameworks, service obligations, legislation, working groups, and enough Federal paperwork to alter Earth's gravitational field.
Rome built roads.
Britain built fleets.
America built Silicon Valley.
But Trumpius?
Trumpius shall build Space Cadets.
And somewhere, high above Earth, Mars quietly watches the Domus Alba and realizes the terrible truth:
The Americans are coming.
And this time...
they're bringing a university.
