The Emperor distributes power over fire, oil, electrons, and bureaucracy — because one official per energy source is clearly not enough
WASHINGTONIUM, September IX, MMXXVI — A tremendous new decree has thundered forth from the marble halls of Donaldus Trumpius Maximus Caesar, Imperator Americanus, Dominator Energeticus, Protector Pipelinearum, and Supreme Commander of Everything That Glows, Burns, Spins, Drills, Pumps, or Appears on an Electricity Bill.
The Empire has reorganized energy authority.
Again.
And this time, Trumpius has achieved what lesser civilizations considered impossible:
He has made bureaucracy more powerful by giving more people independent authority over the same general subject.
The sacred parchment in question concerns the ancient Executive Order 13603, first proclaimed during the reign of Emperor Obamius in MMXII and subsequently modified under the glorious restoration of Trumpius.
But the Emperor examined this bureaucratic relic and discovered a terrible weakness.
There simply weren't enough officials controlling energy.
One Energy Lever, Two Imperial Hands
Previously, important powers under the Defense Production Act concerning energy rested largely with the Secretarius Energeticus, Guardian of the Imperial Grid, Keeper of the Strategic Extension Cord, and High Priest of Things Measured in Megawatts.
Trumpius Caesar looked upon this arrangement and reportedly declared:
“Only one? That's terrible. Very weak. Energy is huge. Everybody knows it. We need at least two tremendous people.”
Thus enters the mighty Secretarius Interiorus, Lord of Imperial Lands, Minerals, Resources, Rocks, Drilling Grounds, and Anything Potentially Valuable Found Beneath a National Park.
Under the new decree, Interiorus and Energeticus may each exercise delegated authority concerning forms of energy under their respective domains.
And they may do so independently of each other.
It is a magnificent administrative concept.
Imagine two Roman consuls standing before one enormous golden lever marked ENERGY, each being told:
“You are independently authorized to pull this.”
What could possibly require clarification?
Behold the Council of Energy Dominance!
Trumpius, being a ruler of exceptional foresight, has naturally prepared for the extremely remote possibility that the two Secretarii might disagree.
Should an energy dispute erupt between them, the matter shall first travel upward to the magnificently named Consilium Dominantiae Energeticae Nationalis — known among ordinary mortals as the National Energy Dominance Council.
Not the National Energy Council.
Not the Energy Coordination Council.
Energy Dominance.
Because Trumpius does not merely want electrons.
He wants victorious electrons.
Imperial scholars imagine Caesar explaining the philosophy personally:
“Our electrons dominate. They enter the grid and foreign electrons immediately surrender. Nobody has ever seen electricity like ours. Very powerful electricity. Beautiful voltage.”
When Energy Meets War, Summon More Councils
Things become even more gloriously Roman when an energy dispute affects national defense infrastructure or military operations.
Then the matter does not go merely to the Energy Dominance Council.
Oh no.
It also goes before the Consilium Securitatis Nationalis, while both coordinate with the mighty Departementum Belli.
Thus, an argument that may begin with two Secretaries debating energy can eventually involve two national councils and the Department of War.
This is known throughout Washingtonium as streamlining.
Under the old system, someone might simply make a decision.
Under Trumpius, the decision can now march ceremonially through enough institutions to qualify for its own military parade.
Three Officials Enter the Arena
But Caesar was not finished.
Certain presidential authorities under the Defense Production Act are now delegated to three mighty imperial dignitaries:
Secretarius Interiorus.
Secretarius Commercius.
Secretarius Energeticus.
And each may exercise the delegated authority independently.
Three officials.
Three centers of power.
One enormous imperial economy.
This is not overlapping jurisdiction.
This is freedom of administrative movement.
Should all three simultaneously decide to save the Empire in three different ways, Washingtonium possesses a centuries-old emergency procedure:
Schedule a meeting.
Nobody Loses Power
The decree also contains the traditional imperial reassurance that nothing contained within it shall impair authorities already granted by law to departments, agencies, or their leaders.
In other words:
Nobody's existing powers are being taken away.
More powers are simply being distributed around them.
It is the golden principle of imperial administration:
When the organizational chart becomes confusing, add arrows.
The mighty Praefectus Budgetarius of the Office of Management and Budget also retains his sacred responsibilities concerning budgets, administration, and legislative proposals.
And naturally, the decree shall be implemented according to applicable law and subject to available appropriations.
Translated from Imperial Washingtonian:
Caesar commands it — assuming Congress funded it.
The Greatest Question Is Finally Answered
Yet buried near the end of this monumental decree lies perhaps its most beautifully precise provision.
Who controls energy?
Several officials.
Who settles disagreements?
A council.
Who handles military implications?
Two councils and the Department of War.
Who ultimately coordinates everything?
That depends.
But who pays for publishing the decree?
The Department of the Interior.
At last!
Absolute clarity.
And so Donaldus Trumpius Maximus Caesar, Imperator Potentiae, Dominator Electronum, Protector Pipelinearum et Pontifex Maximus of the American Circuit Breaker, reorganized the energetic machinery of the Empire.
The scribes recorded his commands.
The councils prepared their chambers.
The Secretarii approached the Sacred Energy Lever.
And throughout the Empire, there was light.
Although officials were still determining who had independently authorized turning it on.
