There are deals.
There are big deals.
There are historic deals.
And then there are deals so enormous that even Julius Caesar would rise from his marble tomb, stare at the numbers and ask:
“Wait. How many billion barrels?”
Because Imperator Donaldus Trumpius Maximus, First of His Name, Defender of the Gas Pump, Lord of Low Prices and Supreme Pontiff of Strategic Petroleum, has unveiled what the Imperial White Palace describes as the greatest oil agreement in the history of mankind, dinosaurs and possibly geology itself.
The number at the center of the imperial scroll:
65 billion barrels of proven Venezuelan oil reserves.
The United States currently holds roughly 46 billion barrels of proven territorial reserves.
Trumpius, therefore, appears to have looked south, spotted Venezuela on the map and reached the obvious imperial conclusion:
“Beautiful oil. Tremendous oil. We’ll take a strategic interest.”
One Hundred Years of Oil
Under the grand arrangement, the Venezuelan interim authorities have granted North Americanus Blue Energius Partners, known among lesser mortals as NABEP, 100-year concessions covering 17 oil fields.
One hundred years.
That is less a commercial agreement and more an energy dynasty.
Roman aqueducts have had shorter planning horizons.
The grand petroleum covenant was signed by Secretary of State Marcus Rubius and Secretary of War Petrus Hegsethius, presumably while imperial trumpets sounded somewhere off camera.
Their inscription for history practically writes itself:
“Veni. Vidi. Drilli.”
And according to the imperial proclamation, the American taxpayer pays nothing for this arrangement.
Zero.
Nothing.
Not even one lonely denarius.
Instead, NABEP has granted the Department of War’s Officium Capitalis Strategicae a 35 percent equity stake in its corporate parent.
Potential value?
Hundreds of billions of dollars.
Potential dividends?
Also enormous.
Trumpius would probably describe this financial structure in simpler terms:
“We got ownership for free. Nobody gets ownership like we get ownership.”
Oil at Cost: The Imperial Discount
But equity alone would hardly satisfy an emperor.
The State Department also receives the right to purchase 20 percent of all current and future production at production cost.
Yes.
Production cost.
While ordinary citizens study gasoline prices with the concentration of medieval astronomers, the imperial government has apparently secured the ultimate wholesale membership card.
The oil could help refill the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, which the imperial chronicles accuse former ruler Josephus Bidenius Exhaustus of draining to historic lows.
Trumpius might summarize the matter thus:
“Bidenius emptied the barrel. Trumpius found 65 billion more.”
The United States also gains a right of first refusal on the remaining 80 percent of NABEP’s production.
So if a future emergency suddenly demands vast quantities of petroleum, Washington will already be standing at the front of the line holding an imperial shopping cart.
An American Board for Venezuelan Oil
Naturally, Trumpius did not settle merely for inexpensive petroleum.
He also obtained governance rights.
The U.S. government receives veto power over appointments to NABEP’s board of directors, while a majority of that board must consist of U.S. citizens.
There will be reputable American auditors.
American lawyers.
American advisers.
American legal jurisdiction.
American courts.
At this point the only thing missing is a statutory requirement that a bald eagle land on the conference table during quarterly earnings calls.
Millions of barrels of new Venezuelan production are expected to flow through U.S. refineries and rely heavily on American rigs, services and infrastructure.
Billions in investment and thousands of American jobs are promised.
Or, translated into Imperial Trumpian:
“Venezuelan oil. American machinery. American jobs. Very beautiful.”
Venezuela Gets the Imperial Renovation
The deal is not presented solely as an American energy conquest.
NABEP plans to invest as much as $100 billion in Venezuelan oil infrastructure, expanding production, creating thousands of high-paying jobs and generating tens of billions in wider economic activity.
Under Venezuela’s newly modernized hydrocarbons framework, the company is expected to pay around $200 billion in royalties and taxes during the first 25 years.
That is enough gold to make even Crassus request an audit.
Those revenues are intended to finance reconstruction, public services and economic development.
Washington also intends to maintain strong financial monitoring, banking oversight and auditing mechanisms to make sure tax and royalty revenues serve Venezuelan citizens rather than mysteriously migrating into offshore accounts with tropical names.
Ancient Rome built roads.
Trumpius builds financial compliance.
Operatio Absolutissima Resolutio
The petroleum pact forms part of a wider Trump Administration strategy centered on stabilization, reconstruction and democratic transition after the dramatically titled Operation Absolute Resolve.
Naturally, in the Empire of Trumpius, this becomes:
Operatio Absolutissima Resolutio.
Because every operation sounds more victorious when translated into questionable Latin.
The United States is also backing reconciliation talks between Venezuela’s 2015 National Assembly and interim authorities.
According to the imperial account, those talks have already helped produce judicial reforms, the release of hundreds of political prisoners and cooperative reconstruction efforts following the devastating June earthquakes.
Further negotiations are planned for September.
So Trumpius is not merely bringing drilling rigs.
He is bringing elections, auditors, reconstruction plans, corporate law and a meeting calendar.
The Monroe Doctrine Returns Wearing Gold Armor
Then comes the most imperial section of all.
Many of the oil fields now destined for NABEP were previously controlled or operated by Russian and Chinese interests, along with allies of the Maduro and Chávez governments.
The Trump Administration portrays this as foreign adversaries exploiting Venezuela’s resources while neglecting meaningful investment in the country.
Trumpius has therefore summoned one of America’s oldest geopolitical doctrines from the archives.
The Monroe Doctrine has been dusted off, polished, fitted with golden shoulder armor and marched back onto the imperial balcony.
Its new Trumpian translation appears to be:
“Hemisphaera nostra est.”
Our hemisphere.
Russia out.
China out.
Oil pumps on.
The message from Trumpius is unmistakable: hostile powers are no longer welcome to treat the Western Hemisphere as their strategic playground.
That privilege, apparently, has already been reserved.
Make Petroleum Roman Again
And thus the new Trumpius energy order emerges.
Venezuela owns the underground reserves.
Private investors drill them.
American equipment helps extract them.
American refineries process millions of barrels.
Washington owns a major stake in the company.
The State Department gets guaranteed cheap oil.
And Trumpius Maximus announces that the entire arrangement costs American taxpayers nothing while creating wealth, jobs, strategic leverage and enough crude oil to make every Roman bathhouse smell faintly of gasoline.
Is it ambitious?
Absolutely.
Is it complicated?
Extremely.
Is it described as the greatest agreement of all time?
Of course.
Because in the Empire of Trumpius there are only three official sizes:
Huge.
Historic.
And the greatest anyone has ever seen.
Somewhere above the Imperial White Palace, a new banner is already being prepared:
MAKE PETROLEUM ROMAN AGAIN.
